Astral City - Powered by Twin Factor

Looking Back, 12-4-10

2011-12-23T07:47:00.000-08:00

I meant to type this a couple of weeks ago. In fact, I wasn't sure if it was even a good idea to type this here at all, but the blog is half mine, so...

It was the 4th of December. A day I'll always remember. 12-4-10 was the day that I was banned from the Toonzone Forums. Before you get up to walk away, let me assure you that this is not going to be a hate filled rant about TZ or what went down there with me, nor do I have any intention of airing any dirty laundry about the moderator who banned me, although it's a safe assumption that there's no love lost between us; I don't like him and he doesn't like me. Let's just leave it at that.

I just felt like looking back at the times that I spent as a member of the TZ forums. I would say that I wish that I had never discovered the TZ forums, but that would be a lie, since even after all the unpleasantness that went down over there, I don't regret discovering the TZ forums, nor do I regret joining. Obviously, I wish that things had gone differently and that I had been able to remain a member, as I do miss posting there and communicating with the online friends that I made while I was there. What annoys me just as much, if not more, than the fact that I was banned from TZ is the fact that it's now a year later and I still haven't found a suitable replacement. I'm not currently part of any online community unless one counts the Big Cartoon Forum, which I don't, since things have been pretty dull over at BCDB lately and I barely visit the site now, let alone post there. I thought about changing my user name at Big Cartoon Forums, but if things don't pick up over there, I won't be posting there, so there's no need to bother going through a name change.

Life should come with a "Do-over" button, or at the very least, everyone should have a remote control like the one that Adam Sandler possessed in the movie Click where we had the ability to go back and correct all of the stupid mistakes that we made. Most of the mistakes made there were courtesy of Yours Truly. Showing up angry and ranting on most of the posts there was definitely a mistake. The responses that I got and the reputation that I received where people would tell me (in some cases, quite literally) that I was the most hated member of the TZ forums were not pleasant for me either. There was a time when I tried to throw people's anger back at them and adapted the online persona of a heel wrestler. This was also a HUGE mistake, one that I regret making to this very day. I hate, hated, HATED being a villain. Others have embraced that, but it wasn't a good fit for me. One of my all time favorite quotes was one made by Coop on the Megas XLR episode "Bad Guy": "I may not be the best guy, but I sure ain't no bad guy!". For most of my life, I was the quiet nerd who sat at the back of the classroom not talking to anyone. I had no experience in being the jerk whom almost everyone hated, so when it happened at the TZ Forums, I was completely unprepared for the tsunami of negativity that I received. I didn't like being disliked, and to any current or former TZ Forum members who may be reading this whom I made to feel angry, hurt, sad or alienated, I apologize. I'm truly sorry if I've made anyone feel stupid or disrespected. I never meant to hurt anyone, and if I ever get the opportunity to start over with a clean slate anywhere on the 'net, it will be vastly different than it was at TZ. I genuinely mean this. Some people at TZ were nice, some not-so-nice, but in most cases, I did nothing to endear myself to anyone. as I said before, I'm not a villain, nor do I have any desire to be one. I just want to post about things that I like with people who share similar interests.

Toon Zone is a lost cause. I harbor no delusions about that, but if any similar opportunity presents itself, and I take that opportunity, It will not be a repeat of what happened at TZ. I've since retired the user name Blackstar and all of the negativity that came to be associated with it and I will never identify myself online as Blackstar again.

I will shut up now, as I'm mostly rambling at this point. Thanks for reading and offering positive feedback. We don't post here all the time, and to the loyal readers, your patience is appreciated. Happy Holidays to everyone in Internet-Cyberville.

The Disney Toons Show (an idea)

2011-10-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

This morning, I was lurking on the Toon Zone forums. Someone at the Disney Animation forum suggested that Disney studios produce an animated series which would be the Mouse House's equivalent to Warner Brothers' The Looney Tunes Show on Cartoon Network centering on Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse. After thinking about this suggestion this afternoon, I think that such an idea could work for Disney, if it were handled properly. This would help the Mouse House because a) The Disney Channel would have another successful animated series besides Phineas & Ferb, and b) this series could be aimed at a more general audience (kids, teens and adults alike) could prove that the Disney shorts characters (aka Mickey and the gang) have broader appeal and are capable of doing more than just entertaining preschoolers. Also, I like the idea of there being a single city/town/area in which nearly every Disney franchise would reside (with the obvious exception of the Pixar movies, of course). Not unlike Marvel's The Super Hero Squad Show. Basically, this series would take the Disney's House of Mouse concept a step further by showing what the Disney gang does when they're not performing at the club. I know that I'm in the minority here, but I actually like the idea of all the Looney Tunes characters residing in a single neighborhood. I'm calling this series idea Disney's Toontown. This is more of a broad outline than an actual idea, but nonetheless, here the skinny:

The series' main setting would be the Cartoon Suburbs, a suburban cul-de-sac in which the shows' principal characters, Mickey & Minnie would share a residence (as newlyweds, perhaps-Originally, I was going to have Mickey, Donald and Goofy as roommates, but I figured that fans would want to see Huey, Dewey & Louie and Max Goof on the show and I didn't want all of those characters living together under 1 roof, as that would make for 1 overpopulated house, so I instead went with this idea. Plus, having Minnie as a main character might attract more female viewers). Pluto would be the Mickster's loyal pet, no mystery there. M&M's neighbors would be other characters from the Disney barnyard shorts; Donald Duck and his 3 nephews would have a house. Goofy and his son Max would have a house. Horace Horsecollar, Clarabelle Cow and even Pete would be their neighbors.

Right beyond the Cartoon Suburbs would be the main metropolis. Let's call it Big City. Big City would be a cross between Duckburg (the setting of Ducktales) and St. Canard (Darkwing Duck). Characters such as Scrooge McDuck, Launchpad McQuack, Drake Mallard/Darkwing Duck and Bonkers D. Bobcat would reside here.

Beyond Big City would be several specialized lands for the other Disney characters: a Fairy Tale Land where the characters from the Disney fairy tales (such as the Disney Princesses) would reside. An undersea kingdom where the characters from Disney's The Little Mermaid would reside. A Jungle Land where characters from Disney's The Jungle Book and The Lion King would reside, etc. there would also be an area called the Toon Underground, a seedy underbelly located within the bowels of Big City where the Disney villains would hang out.

Now, I'm not saying that this is the best way to introduce the Disney characters to a new more modern audience, nor is this the only way to do so, but it is a way. All things considered, I'd say that this is pretty good for something that I just pulled out of my pants this afternoon. If Disney made a show like this, I'd watch it.

What's In a Name?

2011-10-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

Hey, guys and gals. This is the artist formerly known as Blackstar here. Just thought I'd give everyone a quick heads up on some very minor news:

Starting today, I've changed my username from Blackstar to Goldstar, so if you read any posts here at Astral City with the name Goldstar attached, you'll know that it's me. This is a move which I had planned to make back on Toon Zone, had I stayed there. Why the change? Well, it's mainly that after some bad experiences that I've had with certain individuals at TZ, the username Blackstar has since become associated with unpleasantness and disdain, and I'd like to make a fresh start. I'm not that guy anymore, so I've decided to bury that username and all of the negativity that had become attached to it. Also, I just plain like the way that Goldstar sounds; The DC comics character Booster Gold was originally going to call himself 'Goldstar', but his high school nickname "Booster" stuck in everyone's mind.

Anyway, I'll be going by the name Goldstar from now on. Goldstar isn't someone else; it's still me, but with a different username. Thanks for reading.

And Another One Bites the Dust

2011-09-29T07:17:00.001-07:00

This past week, I caught a glimpse of Boomerang's October schedule. Not surprisingly, as October is the month of Halloween, Boom's schedule this month is peppered with monster and spook-themed shows; among them are reruns of The Addams Family and The Munsters.

Now this struck me as curious. While The Addams Family has had 2 animated knockoffs over the years (one on NBC in 1973, and a later one on ABC in 1992--this was the one which was more or less inspired by the 90's live-action movies with Anjelica Huston and the late Raul Julia; it's also the only one that most people remember nowadays. I remember both series, which is just further testimony to how truly ancient I am), there has only ever been one attempt to bring The Munsters to animation: a TV movie titled The Mini-Munsters, which was initially broadcast on ABC on October 27, 1973. (I had never heard of it until 1 year when it was rebroadcast on the USA Network as a Halloween special, even though the actual story had nothing to do with Halloween. It had something to do with the family meeting 2 other relatives who were literally shipped in from Transylvania in a crate, and the 2 of them and an adolescent Eddie having wacky teenage adventures all over town, but I digress.) Was Boomerang really going to run a single 1-and-done TV special weekly throughout the month? But then a colleague cleared things up: Boom is going to run the Addams Family cartoon (the '92 version, of course; the '73 version hasn't seen the light of day in decades), but they won't be showing The Mini-Munsters; they're actually going to be showing the original live-action sitcom versions of both shows. Live-action sitcoms. On Boomerang.

Moment of silence as we play taps for Boomerang, folks.

Why am I now wearing a black band on my arm for Boomerang? Because this is the final nail in the coffin for this already stagnating channel. Boom had had more than its' share of problems for years now, mainly stemming from the simple fact that its' father, Turner Broadcasting, gives the channel the red-headed stepchild treatment, but the one compliment that I could always pay Boomerang is that it's always remained for the most part an-all animation channel (save for live-action/animation hybrids like The Banana Splits and the occasional cross-promotional stunt to appease their big brother Cartoon Network like running Hole in the Wall occasionally or playing Out of Jimmy's Head for a week). But that's over. Now that Boom will be running live-action shows for a month, the channel looms ever closer to hitting that giant iceberg on the horizon.

I know it's too, too easy to blame the boss, but the fault here lies with CN's current heads, Stuart Snyder and Rob Sorcher. It's become painfully obvious that Team Snycher doesn't have a fogging clue what to do with Boomerang, and their past history and success has been with hybrid networks like Nickelodeon, which ran both cartoons and live-action shows. They've never had to manage all-animation channels before signing on with CN, and they clearly don't know how to handle it. They've already began infesting Cartoon Network with live-action shows (thankfully, most of them have failed and they've since backed off of this considerably, but a few LA shows are still there) and now they're starting to do it here.

What really sticks in my craw about this is that many of the people I've spoken to are OK with this. They enjoyed The Munsters and The Addams Family as kids and feel that these shows will add some much needed variety to Boom. Do these people not see the utter hypocrisy in that statement? Saying "I'm OK with live-action shows airing on Boomerang as long as they're good live action shows" is like saying you'd be OK with Nick Jr. airing porno as long as it's quality porno. Good shows or not, it's still a deviation. Why was everybody so up in arms when Cartoon Network began embracing live-action shows and movies, but these same people are OK with Boomerang airing live-action? Would you also be OK with Comedy Central airing WW2 documentaries and bowling tournaments? Or ESPN airing country line-dancing programs? The last time I checked, Boomerang was "the home of classic cartoons", not "the home of every show that you liked from the 60's through the 80's". The only reason I can see why these shows aren't airing on TBS (which would be much better suited for them) is because Turner feels that they're too old for TBS and that kids wouldn't connect with them.

Boomerang has been running in a treadmill for years, and is badly in need of variety. Granted. No argument there. But embracing live-action is not the way to go, especially when Turner only airs about 1/5 of the cartoons that they have available to them in the Turner vault and in the Warner Brothers Animation library on Da Boom. There are several animated shows that Boom could be running to commemorate Halloween for October: why not air Dingbat and the Creeps on Boom? Why not unearth The Mini-Monsters for the month? Why not show Drak Pack in October? Heck, they could even show Rankin-Bass' Mad Monster Party and/or Mad, Mad, Mad Monsters, or contract WB to run Toonsylvania or Beetlejuice. Those tie in to the spooky them of Halloween, and more importantly, they are all ANIMATED. They could even run Casper's Scare School on Da Boom. No, it's not a great show or even a good show, but it is a spooky-themed toon that's animated. Turner is sitting on plenty of animated programs to infuse variety into their channel without having to embrace live-action. You want more variety on Boomerang, Snycher? Air more cartoons and a wider range of them.

Now that I've cooled off a bit, I'm willing to give Addams and Munsters a marginal pass on Boom since those shows are at least cartoonish in nature and Addams Family is based on a series of cartoons from the New Yorker magazine, provided that it's only for the month and Boom doesn't get into the habit of running live-action shows. But with Team Snycher at the helm, my delicate inner sense of pessimism tells me that this is the only the beginning, and it won't just be something that they do once as a goof and never again. It's only a matter of time before I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched turn up on Da Boom, and then I wouldn't be half-surprised to see Saved by the Bell or Pee-Wee's Playhouse pop up on the channel. Boomerang, mess though it was, was the last bastion that we animation lovers had, the only 24/7 animation station that up to now was still 24/7 animation. I hope that it's not destined to go the Nicktoons Network route and become progressively (and aggressively) toonless.

The Game Plan: Reconstructing the Cartoon Networks

2011-08-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

On either of the 2 animation message boards that I'm currently on (The Big Cartoon Database and Toon Zone, respectively), it seems that invariably the subject of "Fill-in-the-blank network sucks now!" turns up, which leads to discussion about how to improve said network. And Cartoon Network is the channel most frequently placed on the chopping block. Seriously, just go to BCDB's Cartoon Network, Nick and Boomerang forum; all they do there is complain about how bad they think CN has gotten. (I personally think that the Nickelodeon and Disney Channels are in far worse shape than Cartoon Network is, but that's for another entry.) Having had to endure these nonstop debates for so long, I've come up with a way to improve Cartoon Network and it's knockoffs, Boomerang and [adult swim]. I'm not saying that my way is the best way or even the only way to go, but it's a way. It's what I would do anyway.

And no, by improving the network, I DON'T mean just bringing all of the 90's shows back and regressing CN back to the way it was 20 years ago. Just stepping back into the WABAC machine and regressing CN back its' 1990's form wouldn't be improving the channel at all. Sure, that would please the fanboys, but it wouldn't bring the channel the desired ratings and ultimately would do more harm than good, for the simple fact that nostalgia has a limited shelf-life. There are only so many times one can loop an old schedule of reruns before viewers start reaching for the remote because they've seen these shows 100 times already. TV is a business, and in order for a business to succeed, it must keep moving forward, not constantly be in a state of looking back. If you look back for too long, your neck starts to hurt.

Now, on to business.

For starters, I would give all 3 "networks" (I'm counting Adult Swim as a separate network here, even though I know that it's really just a programming block on Cartoon Network. We all know that AS is just a mask that CN wears at night in order to protect its' family-friendly image, but for ratings and demographics purposes, it's considered a separate network, so let's just call it that for the sake of this discussion) a unified branding. Cartoon Network, as the main default network and the one that started it all, will retain its' present name and logo, viz:

But the others would get new names and logos, all based on the above design, similar to those of Nick's current logos:

Under my regime, Adult Swim would be rechristened CNPM. Its' logo would be the familiar CN tile logo with 2 additional tiles next to it, white on blue, with letters P and M on them. Boomerang would likewise under go a name change, to CN2. Its' logo would again be the familiar CN tiles, but with a 3rd tile, colored white on red (dang, I wish I had Photoshop!) with a number 2 on it.

Now on to the channels themselves:

CARTOON NETWORK

Despite what haters and nostalgia buffs will tell you, Cartoon Network doesn't need a complete overhaul. The changes I propose making to CN are really only tweaks. There is, however, room for improvement in some areas. Let's break them down:

CN would go back to being a general animation lovers' channel. It wouldn't entirely lose its' kid-centric focus, but no more trying to compete head-on with Disney and Nick. CN would be marketing itself as the alternative to those networks rather than trying to follow in their footsteps. CN's revised schedule would be more reminiscent of early Teletoon. There would be several segments of programming devoted to certain content and it would show more mature fare as the day progressed, with a strong commitment to air diverse and international programming, as well as the ability to air a great majority of material uncut. Basically, it would be little kids' time in the mornings, big kids' time in the afternoons, general audience/family time in the evenings and adults' time at night.
There would be no more skewing the network primarily towards boys. CN's shows, while some of them are quite good, are starting to look a lot alike. Nearly all of them have predominantly (if not exclusively) male casts. That would end immediately under my rule. This "anti-girl" stance that CN is on right now is ridiculous, especially when you consider that the network's biggest commercial success to date is The Powerpuff Girls. The current boy-centric shows wouldn't have to leave, but there would definitely be some girl-centric shows (both action and comedy) added to CN's lineup.
There would be corporate synergy between CN's parents, Turner and Warner Bros. I don't know how to do it, but even if it meant locking suits from each company into 1 room and beating them all about the heads until they all agreed to play nice with each other, but it would happen under my fantasy regime. This would mean that shows like Legion of Super Heroes, Tom & Jerry Tales and Shaggy & Scooby-Doo Get A Clue! would start airing on CN, but this newfound synergy would be more noticeable on CN2/Boomerang (which I'll elaborate on later).
There would be a greater commitment to animation on the channel. The live-action shows like Dude, What Would Happen?, Destroy Build Destroy and Hole in the Wall have been putting butts in seats, so I wouldn't ax them, but they would be relegated to 1 night a week. Wednesday has been working as CNReal day, so i'd keep that, but the live-action would air on that night and only on that night. Also, the CNReal shows as well as the movies on The Flicks would have to adhere to a new rule: they can be game shows, comedies, action or what-have-you, as long as they in some way embody or are reminiscent of or at the very least are inspired by or based on, animation. The scripted shows and movies can feature animation, CGI or puppety oddballs and costume characters, but anything that doesn't won't be seen there. Movies like Shrek and Over the Hedge are acceptable, the Spider-Man, Batman and Transformers movies also pass since they're based on cartoons, The Mask, Ace Ventura and Angels in the Outfield also get a marginal pass since they either feature animation or are cartoonish in nature, but movies which have zilch to do with animation and contain no animation like Snow Day or School of Rock are out.
CNPM (formerly Adult Swim) would be pushed back to 11 PM and reduced to just 2 airings a week. Adult Swim is doing too well on CN to just dump it, but I think it's past the point where it needs to air every night. It's only 4 hours of programming and it doesn't have nearly enough programming to justify a 7 night a week airing. I've seen every episode of Metalocalypse several times. I've seen every episode of Robot Chicken several times. I've seen every episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force several times. And I've seen every episode of Family Guy so many times that I can recite the dialogue to each one backwards and forwards. CNPM would go back to only airing twice a week: with a premiere on Sunday nights and an encore on Thursday nights. What would air on those extra nights and hours, you say? Glad you asked. I would initiate an action cartoon block which would air from 10 PM to 11 PM; this block would consist of some Western action cartoons as well as some anime (yes, even non-toy based action anime) as well as action cartoons from other countries. (Keep in mind, the new CN has an international flavor.) There would also be an expanded Night of Action on Saturday nights from, say, 8 PM to say, 2 AM, similar to the late Saturday Video Entertainment System (SVES). On all other weeknights from 11 PM to 6 AM, I would offer old-school CN lovers a retro block of Boomerang, spotlighting Turner owned cartoons from the 40's through the early '00's. This would be for the benefit of those who don't receive the CN2 channel.

Now, onto Cartoon Network's sister channel.

CN2 (formerly Boomerang)

As with Cartoon Network, the changes I would make to CN2 wouldn't need to be that elaborate. Between Turner and Warner Bros.' collective vaults, there's enough programming to sustain a 24/7 channel, I think. No need to acquire a bunch of 3rd party shows, which would require money and CN2 would have to become a commercial network in order to pay for them. Here's what I'd do to CN2:

MAKE SOME NEW BUMPERS. Boomerang has been using the exact same smegging toy bumps since its' inception. They would be the first things to go. Something else, anything else, I don't care. Just no more toy bumpers, and update the brand motif every year or so, for crying out loud.
Bring back the Shorties and Groovies inserts between shows, and possibly make new inserts as well.
Air more shows from the Turner vaults, and air every episode of said shows. The shows with low episode counts would air weekly, not daily.
Add more latter-day defunct Cartoon Network shows to the lineup. Boom already airs some 90's to 00's CN shows like Dexter's Laboratory, Johnny Bravo, the Powerpuff Girls, Cow & Chicken, Courage the Cowardly Dog and Mike, Lu & Og, so why stop there? I'd add Sheep in the Big City, Time Squad, Whatever Happened to Robot Jones?, Codename: Kids Next Door, My Gym Partner's A Monkey and Camp Lazlo to the lineup, and there's no reason whatsoever why Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy, Megas XLR and Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends don't air on Boom now, so they'd definitely air on CN2.
Start airing more WB-owned shows. Since under my rule Turner and WB would play sharsies with one another, shows like Super Friends, Teen Titans, The Batman and Justice League/Unlimited would air on CN2, as well as Looney Tunes and several of the so-called Silver Age WB shows like Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, Freakazoid!, Taz-Mania, The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries, etc.
Add blocks such as The Tex Avery Show, The Chuck Jones Show, The Bob Clampett Show and Down with Droopy D to the lineup.
Initiate a late-night block to the channel (sort of a retro Adult Swim lite) which would include art-house shows like O Canada, Sunday Pants, early (pre-AS) episodes of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, Popeye and Late Night Black and White.
Add compilation shows spotlighting trivia and info on our favorite cartoons and the folks behind them, like Toon Heads.
Re-initiate former CN blocks such as Toon-A-Palooza and 70's Super Explosion.

Again, I'm not saying that the above strategy is the best way (or even the only way) to improve these networks, but it's a way. It's certainly a better solution than just regressing them back to the way they were decades ago.

"The Amazing World of Gumball": Triptastically Delicious!

2011-08-01T12:33:00.000-07:00

In an earlier entry ("Dude, Where's My Marshmallow Car?") I mentioned how for many current animated shows, surreal seems to be the new funny. Lots of shows are employing oddness, randomness and overall strangeness for comic effect and distinction. But there's one show out there for which surreal doesn't quite say it all. Welcome to The Amazing World of Gumball.

For those not in the know, The Amazing World of Gumball is Cartoon Network's latest animated comedy, created by animation and commercial director Ben Bocquelet. It is a British/American hybrid series produced by Cartoon Network Europe and is already gaining a substantial following on both sides of the pond. Here's the skinny:

The title character, one Gumball Watterson, is a rambunctious, hyperactive, impulsive, somewhat foolish and trouble-prone but still likable 12-year-old boy, who also happens to be a blue anthropomorphic cat. Gumball lives in the 'burbs along with (naturally) his family: his mother Nicole (also a blue anthro feline) is a sweet and nurturing working mom who has a job at the local rainbow factory (no, that's not a typo; they really manufacture and sell rainbows for profit) and also seems to have some anger issues which rise to the surface every now and again, so it's best not to cross her. Gumball's father Richard, a large pink rabbit, is a gregarious, mostly good-natured oaf of a guy who's a stay-at-home dad, in the sense that he literally stays home all day sleeping, goofing around and playing video games; Gumball's little sister Anais (another pink rabbit) is an adorable 4-year-old with a super-cute baby voice who is intelligent beyond her years: she's so advanced, in fact, that she attends her older brother's middle school, but for all of her wisdom, she's rarely listened to by Gumball or the other characters, because, well, she's only four. The final member of the Watterson clan is Darwin, Gumball's former pet goldfish who, sometime before the first episode, somehow randomly became sentient, growing legs and gaining the ability to breathe air and eat other foods besides fish flakes. The family subsequently adopted Darwin and he immediately assumed the role of Gumball's best friend, moving into the former's room and rarely leaving his side.

Strange, you say? Well, that's just for starters. Beyond that, the show gets even odder:

The suburban town that the Wattersons reside in, Elmore, resembles an ordinary real-life suburb (like the late FOX animated sitcom Sit Down, Shut Up, the animated characters live and interact with live-action backgrounds) but is more of a cross between Roger Rabbit's Toontown and the cantina scene in Star Wars. Every resident of Elmore is some sort of bizarre creature, and many of them offer a mishmash of various art and animation styles: Gumball's teacher Miss Simian is a crotchety, foul-tempered stop-motion ancient Chinese monkey, his principal Mr. Brown appears to be a living ball of brown hair (perhaps he's a distant relative of Cousin Itt from The Addams Family), Gumball's crush Penny is an anthropomorphic peanut with antlers, his other classmates include Bobert, a stop-motion white robot who resembles a hair dryer with 1 huge eye and sounds like Prof. Stephen Hawking's voice machine on high speed, Tina, the class bully, a king-sized fully CG rendered T-Rex with huge teeth, realistic scales and all, Carrie, a Goth girl who's in fact, a ghost, Banana Joe, a stop-motion banana with plastic googley-eyes, Teri, who I suppose is a bear, though she's actually a living cutout made of wrinkled paper, Masami, a stuck-up girl who'd have her nose in the air, if she had a nose; she's a living floating cloud, a giant purple furry something-or-other named Hector who is so damn big that we can't even see all of him on screen; we usually only get to see his legs or on one occasion, his butt (a homage to Hanna-Barbera's Great Grape Ape, perhaps?), a living balloon with a drawn-on face named Alan, who speaks with (not surprisingly) a helium-addled voice, a living lump of clay named Clayton, and others. Gumball's cranky, uppity neighbors the Robinsons are felt puppets who look like they failed their auditions for Sesame Street. There's also an arts-and-crafts made guy named Larry who seems to hold every menial job in town, a doughnut who's a cop, crumpled-up-wad-of-paper businessmen, 8-bit digital spiders, cube dogs and other things, all living under the warmth of a smiling sun.

Now, here's my personal views of what's good about Gumball and what (in my humble opinion) could be a little better:

The Pros: This show is cute, clever, energetic and genuinely funny. Unlike other shows such as Adventure Time or Aqua Teen Hunger Force (or as it's going by now, Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1), there aren't any times when you find yourself wondering what you just saw or what these guys are smoking, for all of Gumball's weirdness, the show still manages to be cohesive, identifiable and fun. I love how adept the show is at treating it's nutty cartoon universe and the events that happen in it like they're normal, as if getting possessed by the ghost in your class because she yearns to to have the ability to eat again or a teacher who's been in the education business for 300,000 years are just ordinary goings-on. I also like the subtle little gags like the aforementioned doughnut policeman or how the Robinsons' slacker son Rocky wears a lookalike of the famous AC/DC metal shirt with letters 'AB/CD' on it. It's like peeking in on the everyday lives of cartoon characters. The show's bizarre nature also gives us this bit from the episode "The End", in which Gumball and Darwin become convinced that an upcoming eclipse will trigger the end of the world, and when the eclipse finally comes, we're treated to this, one of my favorite gags in the series so far.

That's never not going to funny.

The Cons: Alright, now for the gripes. While the show can get downright hilarious when it hits, at other times it can be a tad uneven. The stories typically fall into 2 categories: domestic comedies involving Gumball's family, and slapstick entanglements involving Gumball's friends and classmates. Of the 2, I generally find the family-centric episodes to be more entertaining, whereas the school-and-friends centered stories (so far) tend to be among the weakest installments. I think that this is in large part because the school-based characters are all pretty flat and 1-dimensional, only good for 1 or 2 gags relating to who/what they are and not much else. They're a lot like all of those extraneous uncles, aunts and cousins on Disney's Meet the Robinsons: they pop on screen, treat us to their respective shticks and from then on they're really only there to take up space and fill in the numbers. A fellow poster at Toon Zone contends that given the chance, Gumball's classmates could each become strong characters and even be utilized in their own spotlight episodes; I don't entirely agree with this. Some of the characters might benefit from their own stories, but not all of them. For example, how does one build an entire episode around a balloon kid with no body? Or a kid with a jukebox for a head? Several of these characters simply don't lend themselves to major amounts of screen time. Then we come to characters like Gumball's girl-crush, Penny. On the one hand, I (like many others) find it refreshing to see that her budding romance with Gumball isn't 1-sided; Penny doesn't psychotically stalk Gumball nor does she treat him like scum as a veiled attempt to hid her affections for him; she likes him as much as he likes her. Fine and dandy, but why doesn't Penny do more? We really don't know anything about Penny except she likes Gumball and Gumball likes her back. She'd work a lot better if she had some quirks, foibles and failings of her own. As is stands, while Penny isn't an unappealing character, she's too underdeveloped to be interesting.

Speaking of which, this is admittedly a personal nitpick, but does every character on the show have to be an animal, food product come to life or some other assorted thingamabob? Would it kill the show's producers to toss in some cartoon humans (or at least humanoids) alongside the various thingies? Elmore's all creature population just reeks of overkill and "weird for weirdness' sake alone" mentality. I'd have rather the show's populace have been set up in a manner similar to that of the world of Akira Toriyama's Dragon Ball/Dr. Slump or even Dreamworks' Shrek movie franchise or WB's The Looney Tunes Show, where the society is predominantly made up of humans with the occasional anthropomorphic animal or other thing. I admit it's partially because I'm not a huge fan of anthropomorphism in general; I can take it when it's necessary for understanding who and what a character is, but when characters are anthropomorphisized to the point that they're just people in anthro skins, that's when it crosses over from cute to creepy to me. In the case of some of the cast, it works. For example, Carrie is a ghost, she wouldn't work as anything else. Tina is a T-Rex, she wouldn't work as anything else. Bobert is a robot, he wouldn't work as anything else. But does Penny really need to be an antlered peanut? She could've been a humanoid and it wouldn't have affected the show that dramatically. And does Tobias really need to be a...well, what the heck is Tobias anyway? he looks like a Technicolor blob in a headband. Even the Wattersons didn't really have to be animals (except for Darwin, obviously), but I'm willing to give this a pass, since the creators likely rendered them as such for distinctiveness, and lots of cartoonists do this.

Regarding the Wattersons themselves: while the "female Wattersons are smart, male Wattersons are stupid" dynamic can get a little annoying at times, I don't kind it that much. I just wish that the female Wattersons would get a little more time in the limelight. The mother Nicole is one of my favorite characters on the show; she was great in "The DVD" and "The Spoon" and I'm glad to see that her role as the responsible breadwinner doesn't also mean that she's the least frequently seen family member, like the mothers on Johnny Test or the late Out of Jimmy's Head. If the writers would just boost Nicole's appearances a little more, I'd be a happy fella. (I'd also like to actually see this rainbow factory at some point on the show, even if only from the outside; it's just such a wonderfully surreal concept that I'd like to see get a little more attention.) Same goes for Anais, another character that I really like, but sadly hasn't gotten as much to do as I might like. There are times when Anais just...disappears. Even in stories that take place largely at the house like "The Laziest", "The Prank" and several portions of "The Gi", Anais just isn't around; you don't even see her in the backgrounds. Where is she during these moments? At MENSA meetings?

In my opinion, the family's weakest link is Richard, the dad. I know some people who flat-out hate the character; while I don't hate Richard or even dislike him, I do take issue with the level of incompetence placed on him. I don't mind Richard being a goofy dad, but he could be shown as being capable of some domestic duties, like cooking and cleaning. (In "The Responsible", Anais states that she's the one who prepares the boys' breakfasts in the mornings.) when I first read about Richard, I figured he'd be like Hugh, the father on Johnny Test, and I'd like to see him take on a few of those traits so he'd actually come off like a father and less like a big goofy guy who shares the house with the family. (And I never thought I'd ever say that any element of a show should be more like Johnny Test.)

But despite those little nitpicks, I'm enjoying what I've seen of The Amazing World of Gumball so far. I give it a solid B; if the little things I mentioned could be spiffed up, it would get an A from me for sure.

I'll leave with the show's opening. Cartoon Network only runs and edited and abridged version of the show's opening title sequence; apparently, the full opening "didn't test well" with audiences. So here, submitted for your approval is the complete opening title sequence to The Amazing World of Gumball.

-Wow, that was a deal-breaker, wasn't it?

The Looney Tunes Show So Far: What Works, What Doesn't

2011-08-01T09:41:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't the series review. We've covered that back in May. Rather, this is more of an analysis of what we've seen of Cartoon Network's new animated series for the Looney Tunes franchise The Looney Tunes Show so far. Since as of this writing, TLTS will taking a short hiatus for next month or so and we've reached a midpoint of sorts, I'd thought that we'd take a look at what elements of this new take on LT/MM franchise are good and which elements aren't working out so well. Before we begin, let me just state first and foremost to those who haven't seen it yet that The Looney Tunes Show is not a reiteration of the classic theatrical shorts, nor is it intedned to be. Those who are complaining that TLTS isn't the shorts should simply watch the shorts. I would suggest buying either the Looney Tunes Spotlight or the Golden Collections DVD sets. I should also point out that the latter collection costs a little more. having said that, let's break it down now, shall we?

1. The Half Hour Episodes
I don't personally have a problem with the main half hour episodes, provided that the stories of which actually lend themselves to being half an hour. Some of the episodes' main plots seem to be 10 minute plots unnecessarily stretched out to 22 minutes. The series' premiere episode "Best Friends" in particular seemed to go on forever, despite having a few good lines and gags. I don't see why the TLTS can't have some two 10 minute shorts, or even the occasional three 7 minute shorts as opposed to always being a single 22 minute plot. Some fans have complained about every main plot revolving around Bugs and Daffy, but I personally don't have a problem with this, since the less celebrated Looney Tunes characters have other chances to shine in other parts of the show (which I'll elaborate on later). However, this brings me to a sub-point within this point:

1.5 The Bugs & Daffy Dynamic
By now, most of us are well familiar with the whole "Bugs is a winner, Daffy is a loser" formula which has been in effect ever since Friz Freleng's "Show Biz Bugs", and this new series only continues with this formula. Here, Bugs is a successful entrepreneur (the inventor of the carrot peeler, as well as being a former star athlete, the President of Spain and Batman!) who's living comfortably in a house in the suburbs, while Daffy is unemployed and unemployable ("No job, no education and a credit rating of negative 13!"), has apparently fallen on hard times before the 1st episode and is currently Bugs' permanent house guest. Now, far be it from me to wish for the shows' producers Spike Brandt and Tony Cervone to interfere with this familiar dynamic, but I feel that the way that Daffy and Bugs' characters are portrayed leaves room for improvement. Daffy is supposed to be a lunatic, but on TLTS, he often comes off as being merely oblivious and stupid. Bugs, meanwhile, often comes off as being too calm and too perfect to be very interesting on his own. The Rabbit's main purpose on TLTS is to react to the eccentric characters around him (although Bugs was great in the episode "Jailbird and Jailbunny", one of the best episodes in the series thus far). Now I'm not suggesting that TLTS have villains, but it wouldn't hurt to have some character(s) impose their will on Bugs from time to time, so that Bugs can then get his comic revenge on said antagonist(s). As Chuck Jones once noted, it gives Bugs a reason to act. I'd like to see more of the "rascally" Bugs in future episodes. Also, I know that is somewhat radical thinking, but just once, I'd like to see a Bugs VS Daffy competition where Daffy comes out on top, just to say that it happened. Plus, it might actually help Bugs' character and make him seem more relateable if he lost once in a while.

2. The Setting
I've heard from some fans who flat out hate the fact TLTS has the entire cast (save for the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote) living in an all American suburb, as they feel that this fixed setting is too restrictive. Now myself, I don't think that the suburban setting is the problem here. My problem with the setting isn't that it's the suburbs, but that the series takes place in the real world, not in Toontown, Acme Acres or some other separate cartoon world. On TLTS, there are no falling anvils, exploding bombs, characters getting flattened like pancakes, being mashed into accordians, inflated like helium balloons and then being perfectly fine again in the very next scene. The only episode (so far) in which we've seen this was the episode "Casa De Calma", which was itself a leftover episode from Laff Riot, the shows' original sketch comedy show format before it was changed to the sitcom format that we have now. I didn't mind Granny having a World War 2 back story in the episode "Eligible Bachelors", but I would have enjoyed it more if it had actually been, you know...funny! The flashback scenes were played almost completely straight, except for the bird parts. Why?? LT has done humorous takes on the war during the war, so why can't they do the same thing decades after the war? Just because TLTS has a sitcom format doesn't that the shows' humor must be 90% verbal and only 10% visual. TLTS needs more "tooniness". Also, where are the celebrity caricatures and pop-culture jokes/references that Looney Tunes has always been known for? I'm not suggesting that the producers make the shows' humor overly topical, which would result in the series becoming extremely dated in 3-5 years, but the original shorts, as well as the Silver Age WB/Amblin animated series all employed this particular technique, so there's no reason why this formula can't or shouldn't employed here on TLTS.

3. The Intermissions
Of course, I'm referring to the Merrie Melodies and Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote segments. These I actually don't have a problem with. They're usually a welcome part of the show and needed break from the half hour plots. The Merrie Melodies typically spotlight on Looney Tunes characters who otherwise only get supporting roles in the main story lines (The Goofy Gophers, Yosemite Sam, Elmer Fudd, Tweety and Sylvester, Henery Hawk, Marvin the Martian, etc.) I enjoy the Merrie Melodies segments and can't think of any way to improve on them. Same deal with the Road Runner shorts. Most of them remain quite faithful to Chuck Jones' original vision for the shorts, except for "Slient But Deadly" which actually violates 2 of CJ's disciplines for the RR shorts: The Road Runner never leaves the road and the Coyote is never injured by the Road Runner. I don't know why the RR shorts are done in CGI, but it's good CGI, so I have no complaints about the animation.

4. The Nitpicks
Just a few minor points that I'd like to mention here: Some fans have complained about TLTS's depiction of Lola Bunny, saying that they'd prefer to see Lola be more like the way she was in the movie Space Jam. To this I must ask "Why?" What was so great about the old Lola? Space Jam's Lola existed to be nothing more than a Mary Sue and a furry fetishist's wet dream. I'm personally OK with Lola being crazy, since she's supposed to be a Looney Tunes character. My only complaint about Lola is that TLTS's producers made Lola's entire character be just about her stalking Bugs, and so Lola can never appear in a story or scene/sequence without Bugs. This goes back to the old complaint about female characters being girlfriends first and characters second. I'd rather Lola have her own things going in addition to her being obsessed with Bugs. Also, there's been a curious lack of Elmer Fudd in these episodes (again, so far). Elmer has only appeared twice on TLTS as of this writing (thrice if one counts his non-speaking cameo in the Merrie Melody "Blow My Stack"); First, in the premiere episode's Merrie Melody "Grilled Cheese" and again briefly giving a weather report in the episode "Fish and Visitors". The series bio claims that Fuddsy is still a hunter, perhaps we could see some classic Bugs and Elmer confrontations in a future episode. We can hope.

Overall, I give The Looney Tunes Show a B-. Not perfect, but not the absolute worst take on the franchise either. To me, Loonatics Unleashed still holds that title. The series' opening theme is downright infectious. I get the impression that the shows' producers are mostly throwing stuff at a dart board and seeing what sticks. Here's hoping that things will improve for TLTS during it's 2nd season, since there's always the chance of the producers improving on things during the season breaks.

"The Looney Tunes Show": Bedlam in the 'Burbs

2011-05-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

First, for those who don't know, let me start by saying that I'm a huge, HUGE fan of Warner Brothers animation, especially the Merrie Melodies and Looney Tunes. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and the gang were a quintessential part of my childhood. Since I've always felt like I'm half-human, half-cartoon anyway, I enjoyed and could identify with most of them (especially Daffy Duck, whom I consider to be my alter ego), and the Warner Bros. shorts helped shape me into the delightfully twisted individual that I am today.

Not only did I enjoy the original WB shorts, but I was also into the latter-day cartoon shows from the '90's which were inspired by the greatness of the Looney Tunes shorts, such as Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs and Freakazoid! (Pinky & the Brain, not so much; those characters were OK in small doses, but I never thought they deserved their own show. Now a Slappy Squirrel spinoff, on the other hand....)

In recent years, however, we haven't seen much of Bugs and company. There have been the occasional single character shows like Taz-Mania and Duck Dodgers and the odd knockoff show like Baby Looney Tunes (an uninspired and unfunny babyfication that recalled the babyfication shows of the 80's and 90's, though it came out during the '00's) and 1 or 2 movies like Space Jam and Looney Tunes: Back in Action, but other than that, not much of anything at all for nearly a decade. The shorts even disappeared from Cartoon Network and Boomerang, not due to lack of popularity, but rather due to an extreme lack of corporate synergy between CN's parents, Turner and Warner Bros. (I'll spare you the details of why; the basic rub is that WB wanted Turner to pay them a royalty for the rights to air the shorts and Turner basically said "We can't go for that. No now, no can do", hence a years long standoff between those 2 stubborn Zax.) Had WB forgotten about us? Where are the Looney Tunes now? What have they been up to? Just where are they??

Enter The Looney Tunes Show.

First, a little history. The Looney Tunes Show project was first launched about 2 and a half years ago. It was originally conceived as a sketch comedy show entitled Laff Riot, and since went through a number of twists and turns (at one stage, it was even considered to make the gang younger, like teenagers. Please, no. It's not the late 80's to early 90's anymore; the days of babyfication/kiddification/teenifications are over, and thank the Cathode Gods for that), until finally the idea of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck sharing a house was tossed around, leading to what the show is today.

Here's the overview: Bugs Bunny has moved out of his hole in the ground and has settled into a house in a suburban neighborhood known as Royal Oaks Glen Oaks Oakwood Oaks in the suburbs of California. Along for the ride is Daffy Duck, who has apparently fallen upon hard times and is currently crashing in Bugs' pad temporarily until he gets back on his feet...which hasn't happened yet in 5 years and counting. In addition to this oddest of odd couples, the wascally wabbit and the little black duck have a score of Looney Tunes favorites as their eccentric colorful wacky neighbors:

Porky Pig has the George Costanza role of the lovable loser, the awkward square hanger-on who's still eager and willing to hang with Daffy and Bugs; he's just happy to be included.
Yosemite Sam is the resident grouchy, overly aggressive neighbor from hell who's always got something shady going on. he's a liar, a cheat and sore loser, but at least he's consistent.
Granny lives next door to Bugs and Daffy, and is once again the owner of Tweety and Sylvester. T&S are still pets on TLTS, so Bugs, Daffy and the other anthros never talk directly to them. Otherwise, it would look weird how some animals who are owned are livng alongside other animals who live independently of humans.
Foghorn Leghorn is a self-made billionaire and adventurer, but still an oblivious blowhard.
Speedy Gonzalez (here voiced by Saturday Night Live regular Fred Armisen) runs the local diner, when he's not residing within the bowels of Bugs and Daffy's home.
Mac and Tosh, aka the Goofy Gophers, run an antique and curio shop (among other occupations; the 2 seem to be the commentators of every staged event on the show), but are still exceptionally polite to one another.
Elmer Fudd is a newsreader who puts a pleasant, simple-minded spin on even the worst reports.
Witch Hazel is now called Witch Lezah (Hazel backwards; perhaps a relative, acquaintance or doppelganger?) and is here voiced by actress Roz Ryan (regular viewers of Cartoon Network will probably know Ryan best as the voice of Bubbie the whale on The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack), though June Foray is still around to voice Granny. 'Lezah' is another neighbor and a practicing witch who acts as a single mother to Gossamer (the hulking, orange-haired, big finger-nailed, sneaker-wearing monster from Chuck Jones' Hair-Raising Hare).
The Tasmanian Devil, aka Taz, like Sylvester and Tweety, is a pet on TLTS. (He's Bugs' dog, to be exact.) This may seem odd, but considering the last time that WB tried to portray Taz as an 'intelligent' animal a la Bugs, Daffy and Porky, he was met with criticism by a pressure group for allegedly making fun of teenagers with Down's Syndrome (I am not making this up), so I'm guessing the show's writers felt that making Taz a pet was just safer.
Pepe Le Pew is a Lothario of a wedding planner with 7 ex-wives.
Lola Bunny (introduced in Space Jam) is also back for more, though she's nothing like her SJ self. Voice by another SNL cast member, Kristen Wiig, Lola here is considerably bubblier, goofier and crazier, and just a little clingy. Did I say a little?
A single new character makes her debut on TLTS: Tina Russo Duck, a female counterpart for Daffy. She works at a copy shop and tries to make a decent man out of the out-of-control mallard because she "likes a project".

Each episode of the Looney Tunes Show consists of a single 22-minute installment with such plots as: Bugs and Daffy go on a game show for best friends, but Daffy is so self-absorbed and oblivious to everything around him that isn't Daffy related that he muffs every question, including naming Bugs' famous catch phrase ("Um....I don't do Mondays!") and even the rabbit's last name; the duo going to prison and Bugs discovering to his delight that he can insult whomever he wants and not receive any physical punishment for it ("It's a smart-aleck's paradise!"); and the guys having to room with Sam (and briefly his Russian mail-order bride) after Sam's plans to go off the grid are defeated by an extended rainstorm. In between the acts of the story are filler segments: "Merrie Melodies", little musical interludes featuring various characters sending up various musical genres, such as Elmer crooning a smooth, sensual ballad about coming home to his beloved grilled cheese sandwich, Marvin the Martian doing a club-techno style number about how he just wants to be friends--unless you cross him, in which case it's laser time; and a rap number by Sam about how he can't help but blow his stack--accompanied by a trio of high-thighed female backup singers who seem to be bent on getting him to do just that. There are also dialogue-less shorts starring the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote (the only 2 characters who weren't transplanted to the suburban cul-de-sac) rendered in CGI (my guess is that the RR shorts are done in CG so as to emphasize that they take place in a different setting than the rest of the show, but that's just a guess).

Now you'd think that the first major Looney Tunes TV show in nearly 10 years would be greeted with open arms by the Looney Tunes faithful, right?

Well, yes and no.

While many folks are taking to The Looney Tunes Show, several more are not. Upon seeing the clips which are posted on CN's website as well as the premiere episode, I was exposed to bile and hate-rants that I never would have expected to hear directed towards something Looney Tunes-related. One brain surgeon declared TLTS "a ruination of the Looney Tunes franchise" and the "WORST. SHOW. EVER."

Really?

I realize that not everybody would be won over by TLTS, but the worst show ever? Seriously? You think that THIS is the worst thing WB has ever done with the LT franchise? Have we really forgotten about this???

Geez, was 4 years really that long ago? Have we all honestly forgotten what a steaming pile of suck Loonatics Unleashed was?? I can understand some people not taking to The Looney Tunes Show, but to imply that it's anywhere near the level of utter badness of Loonatics Unleashed? Dude, what are you smokin'??!?

As I see it, the biggest problem that The Looney Tunes Show faces is that, well, it's Looney Tunes. LT is such an iconic brand that any new adaptation of the franchise is automatically going to have ridiculously high expectations attached to it, and so any new version of Looney Tunes is going to be a disappointment to some.

The 3 biggest complaints I've been hearing about The Looney Tunes Show are:

"It's not the shorts", as another rocket scientist emoted.
The suburban setting and the sitcom-style format, and
The new stylized character designs.

Allow me to give my takes on each:

Regarding points #1 and #2: Well duh, Einstein, WB never claimed that TLTS would be a 100% reiteration of the old shorts. There's no way it could be as Friz Freleng, Chuck Jones, Robert McKimson, Bob Clampett, Arthur Davis, Milt Franklin and Mel Blanc are all no longer with us, and unless someone at Warner's knows black magic or voodoo, they can't be brought back. Nor do I think that it should be; if WB just wanted to rehash the old shorts format and formulas, they could just re-air the original shorts on Cartoon Network (which they're doing right now in order to promote TLTS, making a shorts rehash even less necessary.)

If I wanted to see the exact same take on the characters and the exact same situations as the original shorts with absolutely NO changes made to them, then there'd be no point in Warner Bros. making anything new at all. Which is not to say that there shouldn't be any consistency to the characters, but the "changes" made to the characters and situations aren't really that different or beyond what we've come to expect (these characters have been portrayed as living in suburban homes and/or holding down jobs in quite a number of shorts), so complaining about the cosmetic changes the producers have applied on this show is, well, kind of stupid. The fact of the matter is that these characters have been re-interpreted time and again several times over the years by Termite Terrace's various directors, so which interpretation are TLTS' producers supposed to be faithful to? Very few things about the Looney Tunes are actually set in stone. Saying, "It HAS to be THIS way" is just limiting creating freedom and potential. Of course, that can go both ways. If they are forced to make things new just for the sake of being new, it can be bad as well. But I don't see TLTS as being an example of the latter; I see it as merely being a modern-day take on the characters set in a fixed locale that's familiar with its' intended audience.

Regarding point #3: forgive my bluntness, but the people complaining about the new designs should get over it. The fact of the matter is that the Looney Tunes characters' designs have changed each time that a different director took over for said character in the shorts: Tex Avery's Bugs Bunny looked different from Bob Clampett's Bugs, who looked different from Robert McKimson's Bugs, who looked different from Chuck Jones' Bugs, etc. despite this, Bugs was always still recognizable as Bugs, despite how each director had his own physical take on the character. What's happening here on The Looney Tunes Show is no different.

As far as I'm concerned, TLTS came around at just the right time. The Looney Tunes have been off of TV proper for a considerable while now; we're coming into a generation of kids who either don't know or barely know who Bugs Bunny and the Looney Tunes are. Some kids who regularly watch CN might know them as those characters from Space Jam or Back in Action, but not intimately, and that thought both frightens and repulses me. Disney has managed to keep their shorts stars in the limelight for the past 10 years, granted they've mainly been using them as babysitters for wee tots, bit they're still using them, so why can't or shouldn't WB do the same for their shorts stars?

Which is not to say that The Looney Tunes Show is all rainbows and lollipops. It's not perfect. There are a few things that I'd like to see changed about the show. Minor nitpicks, but nitpicks nonetheless:

I don't think that every story needs to be one 22-minute episode; some of them are just 11-minute or 7-minute plots. I'd like to see some short length stories with only the occasional 22-minute episode. Sometimes the strain to keep the stories going is very noticeable.
On this regard, I agree with the show's naysayers: the lack of constant background music on the show is somewhat awkward. Maybe I'm just spoiled by the shorts and the Silver Age shows, but I would like to see that changed.
Another valid point the detractors have is that there should be a little more slapstick on the show. there's nothing wrong with the verbal humor, but this is Looney Tunes. The odd falling anvil, comical explosion or pie in the face couldn't hurt.

So overall, I give The Looney Tunes Show a B+. Is it the best thing ever? No, but a total abomination on the LT franchise? Not by a long shot. The show's ratings have been solid so far, so as a fan, I say more power to 'em. To all who aren't fans, hey, it's fine if this show isn't your cup of tea, but I urge you to.........

NEVER FORGET.

2005-2007

Don't Just Stand There...DO Something!

2011-03-01T10:01:00.001-08:00

You know what's been grinding my gears lately?

These nonstop internet threads, rants and YouTube videos of people whining, "I want my old Nickelodeon back!" or "I want my old Cartoon Network back!" These things have been sprouting up like weeds online; I'm currently on 2 message boards, and invariably, we'll get a "ways to improve Nick" or "How would you improve Cartoon Network?" thread; it never ceases to amaze me how so many peoples' idea of "improving" these networks entails booting off all of the current shows and bringing all of the 1990's shows back. The final straw for me was this obviously fake news bulletin stating how Nickelodeon was basically dumping all of its' "terrible" current shows like iCarly, Big Time Rush and T.U.F.F. Puppy and would be resurrecting their 90's cartoon franchises like Doug, Rugrats and Hey, Arnold! with new episodes. What's scary about this is that many people actually believed this to be true.

Sadly, this attitude is all too prevalent on the net nowadays. To all of the people yelling, "I want my old Cartoon Network back!" or "I want my old Nickelodeon back!", I'd like to say just three little words:

Let. It. Go.

Seriously, get over it and get on with your lives. Yes, the 90's were a great decade for both channels, but it's Reality Check time: CN and Nick are never going to go back to being the way they were in the 1990's. Never. You know why they aren't? For one simple reason: it's not the 1990's anymore. The 90's were 20 years ago. If you're old enough to fondly remember the 90's then you're officially out of CN and Nick's target demo and are therefore invisible to these channels. CN and Nick aim their programming at kids, not adult nostalgia buffs, but kids. And that means people who are kids now, not people who were kids 20 years ago. I get that you're fans of the 90's era shows (I enjoyed several of them myself), but don't let your fanboyism blind you into believing that a schedule devoid of anything new and which endlessly loops all of the shows that you grew up loving would be better for the network. That's not how it works. Nick and CN constantly re-running their 90's shows and not making any new shows might please some fans, but from a business perspective it would be a terrible idea. TV is a business, and no bsuiness has ever gotten ahead by constantly looking back. Just because the majority of the 90's cartoons were great doesn't mean that nobody should ever try to make new ones: people would be out of work that way, and eventually, with nothing new coming down the pike, these networks would eventually start to lose money. And losing money is never good for business.

I think that instead of wishing for Cartoon Network and Nick to bring the old shows back, we should hope for these networks to produce new shows with the same level of creativity and commitment to quality as the shows of the 90's.

The problem with the rallying cry of "I want my old (fill-in-the-blank network) back!" is that Nick and CN aren't "our" networks anymore. They're for the kids of today. While it would be great if their parent companies would show viewers our age some love with the occasional returns of the shows from our era onto their schedules for a little while as well as some decent DVD sets, we really should let today's kids have these channels, since that's what matters for the survival of these networks. The shows that Nick and CN run currently may not appeal to you or I, but that's not a requirement; it only matters if today's kids like them. CN and Nick are "their" channels now, we should let them have them and form their own fond memories.

I generally don't take much stock in nostalgia because it's circular; in 20 years time, in 2031, we'll be subjected to piles of threads videos and rants from people who are complaining that they want their 2011 Nick and CN back.

Another thing that bugs me about the TV nostalgia complainers is how so many of them aren't willing to put forth any effort to satisfy their needs. All too often they just sit on their saw-horses and kvetch about how their desires aren't being met and wanting the networks they watch to do everything to accommodate their wishes. Last year on 1 of the forums I'm on, there was this guy who would come on there every week just to whine, complain, crab and moan about Boomerang: he would go on and on about how he didn't like that Boomerang was now airing newer cartoons and what he called "Japanese fighting shows" like Swat Kats, Teen Titans, Samurai Jack and Pokemon (never mind that 3 out of those 4 shows are in fact American and the 4th isn't a fighting show, but a collecting show) and how he wished that Boom would go back to showing Looney Tunes, Superfriends and Mr. Magoo (never mind that those shows are all property of Warner bros. and if Turner ever wanted to re-acquire them, they'd have to pay warners a whopping royalty). Around this same time, there was another forum member who wouldn't stop yammering about how he wanted to see Kekaishi moved from [adult swim] to the Cartoon Network schedule; apparently this kid had once watched something on [adult swim] when he was younger and was so freaked out by what he saw that he refused to watch [as] anymore, and he wouldn't stop going on about how he wanted Turner to move Kekaishi to CN (Never mind that currently the only anime that CN runs are the toy-based ones like Pokemon, Bakugan and Beyblade).

To these couch potatoes, I ask this: instead of wishing, hoping and dreaming that these networks will change their ways for you, have you ever considered, I don't know, DOING something to remedy your predicament? Crazy thought, I know, but you could actually DO something instead of just spiting what CN and Boom are doing now.

And when I say "do something about it" I don't mean creating an account on a message board just to complain. That doesn't work, because most of the time the people in charge of programming on these networks don't hang out on public message boards. Nor do I mean signing some online petition or starting some "revival project" on Facebook. Online petitions are like miracle diets: they don't work because they're too easy to doctor, and a gathering of people on Facebook to talk about how great a show is and post really bad fan art isn't a "revival project" because neither of those things are going to get your favorite shows back on the air.

If Da Boom or CN aren't running the shows that you want them to or they're not running them at a convenient time for you, DO something about it. If these shows aren't airing at a convenient time for you, record them and watch them at a time that is convenient. If these shows are on DVD, buy the DVDs and watch them at your leisure. Find out if these shows are on a legal streaming video service and subscribe to that service. If a DVD distributor isn't producing DVD sets of your favorite shows, then write to them and ask them to; let them know that you'd be willing to pay for your favorite shows on DVD. Heck, you could even study the art form you love, learn to write and draw, take a course in animation or art or creative writing so you can 1 day actually MAKE the sort of cartoons that you want to see. And I don't want to hear stuff like "That's too expensive" or "That takes too much time" or "It's not the same as watching them on TV". Stop making excuses. Think of getting to see these shows again as a drug or a bottle of booze: if you want your fix badly enough, you'll find some way to get it. If you had your own kick-ass cartoon collection on DVD or streaming video, then it wouldn't matter what these channels do. Ultimately, it comes down to 'just how bad do you want it?'

It seems to me that being proactive and doing something is better than just sitting on your duff and hoping that 1 day one these networks will come around to your way of thinking, 'cause that may never happen.

Team Snycher Fails Again!

2011-02-28T19:39:00.001-08:00

Cartoon Network's weekly ratings are in, and it looks as though CN's Hall Of Game Awards from Friday February 25, 2011 scored a rating of 1.4.

Yes, that's right. 1.4.

Now, I know that we shouldn't derive pleasure from others' misfortune, but I have to say, from a spectator's standpoint, and also speaking as an animation lover, I have to say that this news is pretty darn funny. After months of promotion on Facebook and other sites, rounding up all those celebrities, pro athletes, First Lady Michelle Obama and everything else, the HoG was a major bomb-a-saurus. I really, really hope that this latest failure causes the folks in charge of CN to stand up and take notice.

Seriously, how many live action projects have to fail before Team Snycher gets the point? When people tune in to a channel called CARTOON NETWORK, they want to watch CARTOONS. They don't want to see jocks, B movies, reality shows or any of that crap. Why, oh why haven't these 2 been fired yet? Why does Turner keep allowing these guys to drag CN further and further down the toilet? Don't you guys get it? The live action/sports crap isn't working! People don't want to see this kind of stuff on CARTOON Network! It would be something else is any of these live action shows were huge, but they aren't. The majority of them have been failures, and CN is still firmly lodged in 3rd place behind Nick and Disney. If CN were smart, it would let Snyder and Sorcher go because they're both about as useful to CN as a burst appendix, and they would also give up on this pointless quest to be like Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel and would just concentrate on being the best ANIMATION channel that they can be.

Keepin' It Real...Real Bad!

2011-02-23T13:53:00.001-08:00

Back in 2009, the current programming heads of Cartoon Network, Stuart Snyder and Rob Sorcher (hereinafter referred to as "Team Sorcher"--2 men who seem to be on a mission to make us all think that the 'C' in CN stands for something other than 'Cartoon") launched a new program block called CN Real, an entire block of non-animated programming.

You probably shouldn't look directly at it.

CN Real's lineup consisted of shows which had very little (if anything) to do with cartoons. They were mainly kid-friendly reality shows (The Othersiders, Survive This!), game/challenge shows (Destroy, Build, Destroy! and Jackass Junior...that is...Dude, What Would Happen?) and...whatever the hell Bobb'e Says was.

Not surprisingly, we the viewers bought none of this nonsense and the CN Real block stunk out loud, ratings-wise, with only 2 of the programs (DBD and Dude) still remaining on CN's current lineup. Undaunted, Team Sorcher is still determined to make live action a mainstay on CARTOON Network's schedule. Now, what I'm about to say make shock and surprise some of you, especially considering who's typing fingers this statement is coming from, but I'm going to say it anyway: CN Real wasn't an inherently bad idea.

Yes, you heard me right. Yes, CN Real's programs stunk out loud, but the overall idea of CN Real wasn't entirely a bad one. Don't get me wrong, I still believe that ideal percent of live action programs on Cartoon Network should be zero, but since Team Sorcher insists upon forcing live action down the viewers' collective throats, the shows might as well be entertaining and at least tie in to the theme of the flippin' channel. If we truly must have live action programming on CARTOON Network, they shows should at least be programming that's based on an animated franchise or be "cartoony" in it's approach and nature. Shows such as Filmation's Shazam!, the oddball surreal Saturday morning shows created by Sid & Marty Kroft, kidcoms like Parker Lewis Can't Lose (which was like a cartoon with live actors). These shows (or original shows made in the image and spirit of these shows) would be a pretty good fit for the CN Real block.

By now it's common knowledge that CN's 1st (and to date, only) attempt at a live action kidcom, Out of Jimmy's Head did for CN what Roseanne Barr did for the National Anthem. That show bombed so hard that CN execs are still picking up the shrapnel 4 years later. Discussing everything that was wrong with OOJH and what could have been done to improve it is enough for a separate article onto itself, so we'll save that discussion for another time. What truly stunk about the failure OOJH was that after the show crashed and burned, CN execs have since been avoiding non-animated comedy as though it has a rash. But truthfully, again, the idea behind OOJH wasn't bad. OOJH didn't fail because it was live action; it failed because it was ill-conceived and poorly written. A "living cartoon" type of kidcom such the aforementioned Parker Lewis Can't Lose, could actually work and be a pretty good fit for CN, if handled properly.

Also, keep the shows that air on the CN Real block exclusive to that block. The non-animated shows should not be airing at all times of the day throughout the day on CN. Ideally, the CN Real block should air about 2 or at the most 3 times a week. Premieres with a couple of encores, so if one wants to see a live action series on Cartoon, they would have to tune in to CN Real.

This, at its' core, is what bugs me about Team Snycher's machinations: I realize that there's always been some live-action on Cartoon Network: we had Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, Carrot Top's AM Mayhem, High Noon Toons, Fridays and the like, but the difference is that the live action on those shows/blocks/bumps were intended to celebrate and promote the cartoons on the network, not kick them off to the side like the Snycher-imposed shows do. With shows like the ones on CN Real, as well as the now-defunct Tower Prep and Unnatural History, the upcoming Hall of Game Awards and several of the live-action movies, we're getting more and more time on CN that is completely devoid of any animated content. Not a good thing on what's supposed to be a channel for animation lovers. Even Snycher's movie selections are flawed. If we really must have live action movies on The Flicks, they should be films based on animated properties such as Batman, Superman and Spider Man, films which combine live action such as Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Space Jam, The Phantom Tollbooth or The Mask (the original film, not that crappy sequel). Movies like Snow Day, School of Rock and Kicking and Screaming, which have zilch to do with animation, have no place on CARTOON Network.

This is why I wish that Snycher was just give up the dream and take their business elsewhere. If Snycher wants to have their own Nickelodeon or Disney Channel, Turner should just give them one. Let Snycher run their general kids' entertainment channel any way that they want to and leave Cartoon Network to us fans of animation.

Thanks also to Silverstar for his contribution.

"Dude, Where's My Marshmallow Car?"

2011-01-25T09:25:00.000-08:00

For a long time, the 'C' in CN stood for 'cartoon'. From around late 2005 through 2007, it seemed to stand for 'crap'. Nowadays, it seems to stand for 'comedy'. Having always generally preferred comedy over action overall, I can't say more comedy on Cartoon Network is a bad thing, but something's just a little off.

A while back, the folks at CN once rapped (!) that "Comedy's their heart and action is their soul". Well, CN of late must have fallen victim to a succubus or something, because these days their "soul" is all but nonexistent on the network (The Secret Saturdays bit the dust, Sym-Bionic Titan is in the process of being shuffled around the channel's lineup, The Super Hero Squad Show has been banished to early Saturday mornings opposite the Farm Reports and the remaining episodes of Batman: The Brave and the Bold are currently floating in limbo; basically, unless the action cartoon has the words Star and Wars or Ben and 10 in the title or is based on a toy-selling anime like Pokemon, Beyblade or Bakugan, Cartoon Network isn't all that interested in it. One can only speculate how long the honeymoon is going to last for Young Justice), while their "heart", comedy, seems to be the favorite child of the network. Specifically, a particular type of comedy.

Lately, CN seems to be pigeon-holing their comedies, sticking themselves in a queenie groove with their recent slew of yuk-fests: nearly all of them center on a weird and wonderful pair of hyperactive, hyper-kinetic, quirky duo of best buds who a) come in pairs, b) talk like ironic surfers, c) live in a trippy, surrealist landscape and d) make shiftless and dumb seem kind of cute.

Examples are numerous: there's Adventure Time, in which a spazzy, noodle-limbed 12-year-old with a white teddy bear hat and his kooky shapeshifting talking dog sidekick right wrongs, save the populace and generally screw around in a post-nuclear Oz-like fantasy realm chock full of mutant princesses, talking critters, living mountains, candy people, skull-faced wizards and a monarch of ice with personality problems beyond the dreams of most analysts. Regular Show (I love that title) focuses on a pair of 23-year-old slacker dudes who just happen to be a 6-foot-tall blue jay and a raccoon, who create all sorts of inter-dimensional mayhem whilst avoiding boredom at their jobs at a city park, which is owned by an incredibly naive jolly old timey fellow with a lollipop for a head and run bu a surly and frequently agitated living gumball machine. Robotomy (which, according to rumors, has already had its' last hurrah on the network) stars (starred) a pair of misfit high-school aged robots who lie somewhere between the ins and outs of the social circles of an all-robot planet known as Insanus, whose all-robot population lives to brutalize, maim and obliterate all other forms of life, including their fellow robots.

I find this to be something of an alarming and somewhat disheartening trend. I don't have a problem with this genre of comedy as a whole; it's great when it works (I'm a avid fan of Regular Show; Robotomy offers some good laughs once in a while, but overall it kind of falls flat and I don't really care for the characters or setting, and Adventure Time just doesn't do it for me; overall I find it more strange-funny than hilarious-funny. I admit that I do kind of like Jake the dog, but the rest of it is just blah' to me), but just because these 'dudes in Wonderland" shows work and are earning ratings doesn't mean that every comedy show that CN puts out should follow this genre. I know I sound like I'm 80 when I say this, but back in my day, Cartoon Network's animated comedies had a diversity to them: you had a show about a boy genius with a secret high-tech laboratory hidden within the bowels of his suburban house who regularly tussles with aliens, superheroes, monsters and his giant mindlessly destructive goon of an older sister; you had a show about a buff, dumb Elvis-soundalike macho-man with a soaring blond pompadour who tries--and fails--to pick up every chick he sees; you had a show about 3 super-powered kindergarten girls who regularly save their constantly imperiled city from wacko supervillains and mosnters; you had a show about a blubbering pink cowardly dog who regularly keeps his owners safe from all sorts of supernatural weirdos in their home in the middle of nowhere; you had a show about a cow and a chicken who were sister and brother and whose parents were a pair of living torsos with no upper halves who indulged in Ren & Stimpy-lite antics along with a curiously naked (and perversely proud to be so) devil figure known only as the Red Guy; you had a show about a trio of quirky and oddly drawn preteens who tried to scam the other kids in their cul-de-sac neighborhood out of their money so they could obtain giant jawbreakers--we had faces then! I'm not saying these 'trip-tacular dude-bros' comedies are bad, but a little variety wouldn't kill Cartoon Network.

The other thing I find bothersome about this current crop of CN comedies is: THEY'RE ALWAYS JUST ABOUT DUDES. I get that CN is currently trying to aim itself at a predominantly (if not exclusively) young male audience, but come on. How about showing the girls and ladies some love? My ONLY beef with the otherwise stellar Regular Show is how its' cast is a total sausage-fest. (There is a female character, a cardinal--or is she a red jay?--named Margaret whom our hero Mordecai has a crush on, but she hardly counts as a character; she's mainly a walking plot device engineered to persuade Mordecai into doing things he probably shouldn't.) The only female characters of note to appear on Adventure Time tend to be giggly princesses who are eagerly awaiting a kiss from the boy star, Finn. Robotomy's only female character of any importance is high-school fembot Maimy, another character who serves mainly as the unattainable object of one of the main character's (in this case, Thrasher's) affections, but she at least has some amusing moments and wrings some laughs out of me for being more shallow than a kiddie pool.

This trend gives me reason to be concerned about the comedies CN has in store for us in the months to come. Witness the upcoming British/US CN co-production The Amazing World of Gumball. I'd like to provide a clip for you to see, but unfortunately, the show's producers are being incredibly tight-lipped about the show. The only clip I could find was a micro-second piece of animation on a trailer for Cartoon Network Europe, so you'll have to contend with these 2 images:

As you can see from the images above, this show promises to be another psychedelic trip-fest. It stars a 11-year-old blue anthropomorphic cat (the titular star of the show; though his dad and little sister are both pink rabbits) and his best friend Darwin (a goldfish who sprouted legs, but unfortunately, suffers from a goldfish's poor memory and recall) who live and frolic in a quasi-American suburb called Elmore which is populated by any and all manner of being; like Living Island on the Krofft Brothers' H.R. Pufenstuf, any and everything in Elmore can and often does come alive or just is alive, filling your screen with such bizarre beings as a UFO with legs or Gumball's blue cat mum (this is a British import, we must remember) who sells rainbows for a living or an angel who can transform into a live-action super woman. Here's hoping that Gumball doesn't turn out to be another dude's only fest (though the show's producers claim that the heart of the show is about Gumball's suburban family, so this could be the CN show which breaks this mold), and that there's some genuine hilarity and jokes alongside the weirdness (But again, the buzz on Gumball has been positive for the most part, so I'm trying to keep my hopes for this show high.) Gumball has the potential to be the next SpongeBob Squarepants or the next Fish Hooks, only time will tell. It's very, very easy for this formula to be done wrong, and painfully wrong. Example: take a gander of this show which has apparently been greenlit by Cartoon Network, a thing from Paper Rad (no, I don't know who or what that is, nor do I care), called The Problem Solverz. ('Cause plurals are always cooler when you spell them with a 'z' instead of an 's'.) Here's a link. Watch at your own risk.

Wow.

What can I say, but...

What a Steaming. Load. Of. Crap.

Where to start? The visuals are eye-piercing. The colors are bound to give some people seizures. The character designs are FIERCELY ugly. That one brown creature is shaped like a butt, is the same color as a turd and has a nose that looks like an erect penis; I actually felt dirty just looking at him. The token human character looks like the result of a tryst between a sharpee and a Tiki idol; he's so heinously ugly that if he were an animal, you'd have him beaten to death before he got the chance to breed. And there's even less plot and storyline here than on Adventure Time. (The only bit I chuckled at was when the robot refused to sample the girl's prototype ice cream because she had already licked it.) And once again, it's all dudes on the team. Yet this....THIS...is supposedly going to become a series on Cartoon Network. I don't want to write The Problem Solverz off as just a soulless clone of Adventure Time, but it's not doing a lot to say otherwise to me. How on Earth did Chowder get the ax but this piece of moose excrement get greenlit? We must be living in the Crazy Backwards Universe, where cats chase dogs and boy bands play instruments.

If this is what passes for entertainment on CN now, I have an idea for an animated pilot I'd like to pitch. It's about a barefoot fairy named Rainbow Roxie and her BFF Starlee (a lovable green skinned Martian girl) who live in an enchanted laundry hamper in the castle of a weightlifting ball of lint named Argyle the Violent. They own a marshmallow car and have all kinds of crazee adventures in the wacky land of Wysiwyg. I think it'lll be a hit.

CARTOON NETWORK EXECUTIVE: Are you crazy?! Its' stars are girls! Now get out!

*Slams door*

Adult Swim should embrace it's inner classic

2011-01-14T05:36:00.000-08:00

Think about it: Adult Swim is an 8 hour program block which consists of 4 hours of programming that is shows once and then repeated, much of which consists of 2 half hours of King of the Hill, followed by 2 half hours of Family Guy, followed by 2 airings of Robot Chicken. Granted, RC is only 15 minutes long, so that's really only 1 half hour, but still, this AS lineup has been around longer than Europe. Why can't AS use some of that airtime to shill some of the classic cartoons which helped put Cartoon Network on the map in the 1st place? If Turner insists on giving us an additional hour of AS, why not devote that extra hour to something that we haven't seen a hundred times before? How about some Late Night Looney Tunes or some MGM Uncensored? How some late night airings of Toon Heads, or O Canada? Heck, even Sunday Pants might be nice to break the monotony once in a while. But I guess that Williams Street is more interested in shoving Family Guy reruns down our collective throats. Goodness knows that one can never get enough FG. there are 1 or 2 episodes that I still haven't completely memorized yet. Shoot, who needs variety anyway?

"Hey! You've got Adult Swim in my Cartoon Network!"

2011-01-04T07:51:00.000-08:00

This past year (2010 - seems like it was only a week ago!), Cartoon Network has expanded it's Adult Swim program block an extra hour so that it now starts at 9PM (EST). Prior to this move, CN has altered it's Monday night comedy block to feature animated shows which are only 15 minutes in length, which is actually only about 10 or 11 minutes without commercials. Among thse shows is a sketch comedy series based on MAD Magazine, simply titled MAD (which is more or less a G-rated version of AS's Robot Chicken). However, for reasons which I will go into later, The 2 main new shows which follow in this vein are the ones that we'll be focusing on here: Regular Show and Robotomy.

Above: the central cast of Regular Show (clockwise from the top), Skips, Benson, Mordecai, Rigby and Pops.

The main characters of Robotomy: Thrasher (left) and Blastus (right)

IMHO, Regular Show is the better of the 2 (in fact, I'd go so far to say that RS is Cartoon Network's best new series of 2010. I like RS even better than Genndy Tartakofsky's Sym-Biotic Titan. Yeah, I said that.), although Robotomy has it's moments.

Regular Show, whose title is meant to be sarcastic, centers on a pair of 23-year-old slackers who work at a public park and also live on the premises, Mordecai (voiced by series creator J.G. Quintel) and Rigby, who also happen to be a 6-foot-tall blue jay and a raccoon. Mordecai is the more laid back and (only slightly) more responsible of the 2, while Rigby is excitable, impulsive and all about instant gratification (Rigby, in fact, reminds me a little of Max from Sam & Max). The park's supervisor is a cranky, living gumball machine named Benson, who frequently chastises the dudes for being the lazy slackers that they are. The park's owner is an incredibly naive and old-world lollipop man called Pops. Pops is the boss of all the main characters but he's so incredibly clueless that he's totally dependent on Benson to run things at the park. Pops likes Mordecai and Rigby, which is the only reason why Benson hasn't fired them yet. Other park employees at the park include it's groundskeeper, a yeti names Skips (voiced by Mark Hammil), so named because he always skips around rather than walking or running, who usually looks angry but is usually the one who helps out Rigby and Mordecai when they mess things up. A stupid, pale-green muscle bound goon named Muscle Man and his buddy High-Five Ghost, a Pac Man lookalike ghost with a single hand protruding from his head complete the main cast. In every episode, a regular mundane activity evolved into a world threatening crisis involving such elements as time travel, gods and floating demon heads. RS is a basically Clerks meets Megas XLR with some traces of Rocko's Modern Life thrown in for good measure.

Robotomy, meanwhile, takes place on a strange planet known as Insanus in which it's main inhabitants are violent killer robots whose sole purpose for existing is to break, kill and maim each other for no apparent reason. It's main characters are a pair of high school student robots named Thrasher (voiced by Patton Oswalt) and Blastus (voiced by Fat Guy Stuck in Intenet's John Gemberling), who are the misfits of their society because they harbor feelings of warmth and compassion.

What's even more interesting than the shows themselves is the content of the shows. On Regular Show, for example, the characters are allowed to use words such as "crap", "pissed", and "hell". One episode of Robotomy features an allusion to masturbation. The content isn't anything really over-the-top, but it's more daring than anything that's aired on CN to date. While, MAD is decidedly and consciously aimed at kids, largely because of restrictions imposed by the network over what can and can't be parodied on the show, RS and R seem more like they were originally intended to air on Adult Swim, but were inexplicably sent to CN for some unknown reason, and it's almost a shame that R and RS aren't given a run on AS, as both shows would fit in with AS rather well and both would be a welcome change of pace from the endless stream of Family Guy and Robot Chicken reruns. Don't get me wrong. I still watch and enjoy Robot Chicken; the sketches aren't all winners, but it's good when it has a good concept, but AS has been running RC at 12 for what seems like an eternity now. I'd settle for Willams Street realizing that "adult" isn't synonymous with "crude, sexist, frat boy/stoner humor".

G4: Requiem for What Was and What Could Have Been

2011-01-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, folks! My first blog entry of 2011. Huzzah!

But does G4 know it's New Year's at all?

I honestly wouldn't know; I haven't been receiving the channel in going on 3 months now.

As those who follow the TV trades know, in November 2010, DirecTV dropped the G4 channel from its' lineup, and months later it was reported that "people haven't been clamoring to get it back". This comes as a surprise to no one. Least of all me.

Do I miss G4? It depends on which G4 we're talking about.

THIS G4....

...can go plug a hole, but THIS G4...

...I do miss. Sadly, the good G4 died a long time ago.

I was first exposed to G4 (did you know that the channel's names stands for Games, Gear, Gadgets and Gigabytes--4G's = G4? Well now you do) back in the early '00s, back when I had Comcast Cablevision. It started out as one of those channels that we would only get 'special previews' of on Saturdays through early Mondays. We didn't get the channel full-time until later. It was a novel concept: TV for video gamers. Not the easiest demographic to cater to; it's notoriously hard to program palpable TV shows for gamers for the simple fact that most hardcore gamers are usually too busy playing video games to watch TV. But early G4 admittedly did it well. G4TV.com, Reviews on the Run (known as Judgment Day in the US), Portal, Filter (starring the magically babe-licious Diane Mizota), Cinematech and Icons never failed to entertain.

But then Comcast wronged us. Screwed us in a rather royal way. Frankly, I'll never forgive them for taking this away from me.

Ah, TechTV. I'm not going to lie to you: as a certified 5-star geek, I loved me some TechTV. The Screen Savers, Call for Help, early X-Play, Eye Drops, Anime Unleashed (I'm not what you'd call the premier anime fan but I do like some anime titles; AU was my first ever exposure to Silent Mobius, which I enjoyed--any show about a team of psychics who are all pretty young women gets my attention)...good times, man, good times. Eventually, Comcast added G4 to its' roster full-time, so we could watch both channels. And the skies were ripe with love.

Then came the treachery.

One day, Comcast (the owners of G4) decided that they wanted one of TechTV's staple shows, X-Play. G4 already had a video game review show of their own, Reviews on the Run/Judgment Day, which was 10 times better and more concise when it came to the actual reviews, but the early X-Play was pretty entertaining. While Comcast could've just bought the broadcasting rights to X-Play and simply moved the show over to G4, they instead opted to go about their acquisition in a really sinister and ugly way. Comcast got an idea. A wonderfully awful idea.

They announced that G4 and TechTV were going to be merging into 1 giant super-channel called G4TECHTV.

I, like many viewers, was thrilled. G4 (at the time) and TechTV were both great channels. So putting them together should have been the Holy Grail for nerds everywhere. But sadly, this "merger" was just a smokescreen; a diabolical plot by G4 to get their talons on X-Play. After acquiring TechTV, Comcast began systematically destroying the channel from the inside. The TechTV shows started getting picked off one by one, until all that remained of TechTV was X-Play, the 1 show that Comcast wanted in the wanted in the first place. You wanted X-Play, Comcast? Fine, but did you really have to off an entire channel just to get it?!

But the beast wasn't finished its' meal yet. After devouring TechTV, in fairly short order G4 began dining on itself. In order to attract a wider range of viewers than just pasty-faced nerds, the Powers That Be decided that G4 should be transformed into Spike TV's little brother. Suddenly all of the female hosts of Electric Playground starting dressing really trampy, Cinematech, Portal, Judgment Day and Arena disappeared, Icons stopped focusing on game-related figures and began making shows about people who didn't have squadoosh to do with video games like Mark Echo and faux lesbian pop schoolgirl duo Tatu, Filter went from showing top 10 lists about video game related topics like "Top 10 Baddest Game Bosses" to oddball lists concocted by frat boys who have clearly never heard of round numbers ("the Top 17 Greatest Places to Party and Get Drunk In") and the lovely Diane Mizota disappeared and in her place was Howard Stern's bleach blond squeeze (the less said about the Beth O. Filter shows, the better). Shows like Cops, Cheaters, The Man Show and other 1-step-above public access programs which weren't fit to air on TruTV began cropping up. The worst fate of all went to The Screen Savers, one of my all-time favorite shows on the network, which got ground through the meat grinder and mutated into Attack of the Show!, a show about nothing in particular which may have been mildly entertaining were it not for its' over-enthusiastic studio audience of hoot-owls and its' extremely smarmy hosts: Kevin Pierera (a mildly amusing guy who believes himself to be a Humor God) and Olivia Munn (a mildly attractive woman who seems to be under the impression that she is Teh Hotness. (You're 1/16 Asian, Olivia. Get over yourself.) Recently Munn departed Attack to work on Comedy Central's The Daily Show, small parts in movies and is also apparently going to star in an NBC midseason replacement sitcom called Perfect Couples, which looks perfectly crappy. I've heard that recently the show has finally accepted that Munn isn't coming back and gotten a permanent replacement hostess for AotS; but since I stopped receiving G4 by this time, I don't know who she is or how well she's doing.

So this G4 I don't miss at all. The current G4 has absolutely nothing going for it except for X-Play (which is currently a dismal shadow of its' former self), Ninja Warrior, Web Soup, Attack of the Show! (which I've never personally been into, but friends have told that it's one of G4's few bright spots) and its' annual E3 coverage, none of which is enough to sustain it on a 24/7 basis. Even G4's Canadian equivalent, which used to be the better G4, is now showing [adult swim] type shows and outdoor-themed programs instead of gamer/tech shows. Ironically, Spike TV, the channel which the current is trying so hard to emulate, is started to show more video game themed programming.

And somewhere out there, Leo Laporte, Partick Norton and Chris Perillo are laughing their heads off.

The Art of Projection

2010-10-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

What an incredible organ the human mind is.

The mind is so powerful that it is able to create alternate universes and allow its' user to fully believe that they reside in said universe instead of the real one.

This practice is called projection.

The dictionary defines projection as "the tendency to ascribe to another's feelings, thoughts or attitudes present in oneself, or to regard external reality as embodying such feelings, thoughts, etc., in some way." In the internet pop culture sense, it means the art of formulating some well-honed opinion, belief or ideal in one's head and having such a passion and fervor for said belief system that one starts to believe in said formulation as concrete fact rather than mere opinion.

In my travels through Cyberville, I've encountered some truly unique and interesting projections. They're not true, but boy are they colorful. Listed below are 6 of the more deadening, popular or jarring projections that I've heard over the years, with a handy little debunking of each:

PROJECTION #1: "Disney's acquisition of Marvel, as well as their current wave of tweencoms, are an abomination of the Disney name and brand. Walt would not approve of this, nor would he allow this if he were alive today."

REALITY: This is nothing more than opinion. The truth is that while we may not like what Disney is doing currently, the bigwigs at Disney don't care about our gripes, because they're raking in the money. The Mouse House is just as popular and profitable right now as it's ever been, so they don't view what they're doing as a failure or an abomination of any kind.

As for "Walt wouldn't do this/Walt is doing cartwheels in his grave over this" rhetoric, people need to keep in mind that the Disney corporation is a business. Yes, it's a business. Some folks may want to believe that Walt was just a jolly old benevolent soul who lived in a gingerbread and lollipop factory with his crew of happy little elves, making cartoons and dreams to make children smile and would have done so for free, the truth is that Walt was a businessman. He was as much a capitalist as anyone else. He wanted to make money, and he would've had no problem with Disney's current practices. And why would he? The Mouse House isn't doing anything different than any other major conglomerate.

When Disney bought Marvel last year, so many people starting running around like chickens with their heads cut off, crying that the sky was falling and the seas were going to turn into fire. I don't get why so many people are having conniptions over Disney's acquisition of Marvel when Warner Bros. has owned the rights to DC Comics' properties for years now, and no one bats an eyelash over that. Disney acquired Marvel in order to capture the preteen boy demographic that they so desperately desire (this is also why Toon Disney was transformed into Disney Close-Eyed Grin (XD)), and they've stated quite tellingly that they wouldn't be interfering with any of Marvel's productions. Does anybody really think that this means that Mickey, Donald and Goofy will be joining the Avengers or that Peter Parker is going to start hitting up the Disney Princesses for some digits now that he's on the rebound thanks to Joe Quesada? I think not.

Regarding Disney's acquisition of the Muppets: would it be better if Disney had left the Muppets where they were before? In the hands of some unknown German company collecting dust in some closet? At least Disney is trying to give the Muppets some exposure and is willing to actually do something with them. (If only they would start giving a crud about the Fox Kids properties that they're just sitting on right now.)

As for the tweencoms, does anybody remember Tim Consadine? Annette Funicello? Spin and Marty? Merlin Jones? Hayley Mills? They were the Miley Cyurses, Demi Lovatos, Ashley Tisdales and Dylan and Cole Sprouces of their day. The notion that "Walt wouldn't allow tweencoms under his rule" is a complete and total load. Even Kurt Russel starred in Disney movies as a teenager. There have always been Disney teen stars, and there will always be Disney teen stars. Get over it.

PROJECTION #2: "Behind-the-scenes politics and/or poor scheduling is what caused my favorite show to get canceled. The network is mean; they had it in for my favorite show all along and they didn't give it a chance."

REALITY: I've read this on so many message boards that's it not even funny. OK, maybe it's a little funny, because it's so far-fetched and paranoid. To name just one example: I've heard tons of conspiracy theories regarding why Cartoon Network US dumped HiHi Puffy AmiYumi. They range from "Cartoon Network hates girls" to "Someone at Cartoon Network is prejudiced against the nation of Japan" to my favorite, "It was killed by Andre Benjamin, who's obviously a gangster because he played a gangster in the movie Four Brothers and clearly worked behind the scenes to kill HiHI so he could get his show, Class of 3000, on the air in its' place". I kid you not.

Here's the real reason that HHPAY was removed from CN: its' ratings were terrible and CN took it off, then washed their hands of the show. That's it. "But I read comments on YouTube that the show is more popular than what's on Cartoon Network right now!" And we all know how credible YouTube comments are; if some shmoe on YouTube said it, it must be true.

Reality check time: Nobody launches or buys a show hoping that it will fail. If a network really had it in for a particular show, they wouldn't bother buying it or getting it made in the first place. People will tell you (and tell you and tell you) that there's some deep-seeded conspiracy going on when their favorite show goes away, or that network execs are just evil meanies in black cloaks, who twirl their mustaches and chuckle in malevolent glee as they randomly drop the ax on our favorite shows, just to make the kids cry. Did it ever occur to these people that the show you liked just didn't get the ratings that the network wanted, and that's why it was taken off?

PROJECTION #3: "Boomerang stays the way it is because they have a real commitment to the classics, conversely Nicktoons changed because they lost sight of their goal to only run classic Nicktoons."

REALITY: No. Boomerang hasn't made any major changes to its' programming in going on 10 years because they have no real commitment to the channel.

Boomerang doesn't exist because Turner or Cartoon Network have some passionate devotion to keeping classic cartoons alive. You want to know the real reason why the Boomerang channel was created? Here it is: Boomerang (the channel) was created because the suits at Cartoon Network wanted the really old shows off of the channel in order to make more room for their newer shows and acquisitions. CN wasn't making a lot of money as the Hanna-Barbera Reruns Channel and they wanted to expand on their original productions and latter-day acquisitions, which were actually bringing them money. But they knew that some nostalgia-loving purists would complain if they just dropped the old-school toons altogether, so someone said, "OK, we'll create this bonus tier digital 'trash' network that will loop the classic cartoons ad nausea, and those who wish to have this channel will have to pay an additional fee in order to receive it, so it'll still make us money even though advertisers won't go near it." That's why. All of that business about Boomerang being the "home for classic cartoons"? That's just smoke concocted by the PR department to get people to subscribe to the channel. Boomerang, for all intents and purposes, is basically Cartoon Network's recycle bin.

Nicktoons changed because it too wasn't making a lot of money as an ad-free channel that ran nothing but old 90's Nicktoons, so they altered their schedule accordingly. If the all old-school format were working and was profitable, then they wouldn't have changed it in the first place. Nicktoons changed because it's parent company Viacom actually cared enough about the channel to turn it into something profitable. (If only they cared enough about its' now grown-up fans to give us proper DVD releases of its' classic Nicktoons....) Boomerang stays the way it is because its' parents don't care about it.

As for the notion that "Boomerang has a real commitment to showing classic cartoons": remember back in late 2005 to early 2006, when the channel began airing shows like Krypto the Superdog, Gerald McBoing-Boing, Baby Looney Tunes and The Mr. Men Show? Ever wonder why Boom just started randomly showing preschool shows on the channel? Well, in 2006, Turner was considering launching a preschool channel to compete with the likes of Nick Jr. and PBS Sprout. (Note that over at CN, a preschool block called Tickle U was running there at the same time.) All of this was a test-run; had Tickle U been a success on CN, Turner would've changed Boomerang into this proposed preschool channel. The plans were scrapped only after the Tickle U shows failed to capture an audience and bring in ratings. Had the preschool block been successful, Boomerang viewers be watching the Tickle U channel right now. So much for "commitment to the classics." It's all about the dollars, baby. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

A glimpse of a future that nearly happened. We dodged a bullet and didn't even know it.

PROJECTION #4: "The recent Looney Tunes marathons should have aired on Boomerang instead of Cartoon Network, because the Looney Tunes have outgrown CN."

REALITY: If that were true, then why is Warner Bros developing a new Looney Tunes series, The Looney Tunes Show, for Cartoon Network? Answer: because it isn't true. At all.

Since the point of the Looney Tunes marathons was to earn ratings and generate new interest in the Looney Tunes, it wouldn't have made any sense for the Looney Tunes marathons to air on a digital extra channel that hardly anyone gets. Ideally, the Looney Tunes should be airing on both networks, but from a business standpoint, it makes much more sense for the Looney Tunes to be airing on Cartoon Network as opposed to Boomerang.

The Looney Tunes are timeless. There always will be (and should be) a place for them on Cartoon Network. Scooby-Doo and Tom & Jerry have been on CN since day 1, and there's no reason why Looney Tunes can't do the same. In fact, there's only 1 (and I should stress ONLY 1) reason why they don't: because the Looney Tunes are property of Warner Bros. and as such, the Turner half of the Turner/Time-Warner partnership has to pay the Warner half fees in order to run anything WB owned. Otherwise you'd be seeing Bugs, Daffy, Taz and the gang on CN just as much and as often as Tom, Jerry and Scooby. Believe it.

PROJECTION #5: If Ted Turner were still running Cartoon Network, things would a whole lot better on the channel than they are now. If Ted were in charge again, the Cartoon-Cartoons and Toonami would come back to CN."

REALITY: First off, let's fact facts here: Ted isn't coming back. He couldn't buy Cartoon Network back now even if he wanted to. The going price for the channel is too rich even for his blood. Second, people need to stop crediting Ted Turner for all of the things that they remember fondly about CN during the mid-to-late 90s to early 00s. Ted wasn't responsible for the Cartoon-Cartoons or Toonami. Let's give credit where credit is due here: the "What-A-Cartoon!" project, which led to the Cartoon-Cartoons, was the brainchild of Fred Siebert, not Ted; Toonami was created by Sean Akins and Jason DeMarco, Ted had nothing to do with either of those favorites. So let's not delude ourselves into thinking that if Ted were to suddenly re-assume the throne of Cartoon Network, that the channel would magically transform into a 90's nostalgia paradise which shows nothing but Cartoon-Cartoons and anime all day. If you want to know what Cartoon Network would be like under Ted's command, just look at Boomerang. That's how it would be, except that we'd be seeing a lot more of this guy...

"Protect the environment, or I'll @#%!ing kill you! CAPTAIN PLANET!!!"

PROJECTION #6: "I don't watch cartoons, I only watch anime. Anime and action shows like Batman: The Animated Series aren't cartoons."

REALITY: This one's easy to debunk. If something is drawn and animated, then it's a cartoon, regardless of what country it comes from or what genre it embodies. Many of the people who want to claim that anime and action animated series are something separate from cartoons tend to be teens and young adults who don't wish to be branded "immature" by admitting that they like cartoons. But you are watching cartoons. It's simple, this

..and this

...are just as much cartoons as this

..and this.

Got it? Good. Deal with it.

BOOMERAMI??? Nah.

2010-08-11T12:25:00.001-07:00

Here we are, folks, 8 months into 2010. Can you believe that's it's been 2 years since Toonami ended? The only thing I have a harder time believing is the number of people who still need grief counseling about Toonami's ending and those who are still clinging on to the hopes that the block will one day be resurrected somewhere, anywhere.

A few weeks ago I was involved in a conversation about this very subject; when it was mentioned that Cartoon Network has no plans to resurrect Toonami and the block's stint on CN is indeed over, some helpful optimist piped in with this query:

"Why dosen't CN rebrand Boomeraction into Toonami? It would work perfectly. The point of Boomerang is to bring back shows people loved so why not air Toonami ? I am suggesting they just show all of the old shows that aired on Toonami, all of the anime, all of the shows that aired on Cartoon Roulette, kind of like Toonami Retro."

Yeah.

Yeah!

YEAH!

Yeah, that's not happening.

Now, before you all get ready to pelt me with rotten fruit, let me just say that I don't think a Toonami on Boomerang is a terrible idea. I've been saying for a while now that Boomerang needs a shot in the arm to revive it from its' current zombified state. But let's be real here: Unless someone decides to revamp the entire channel, a Toonami on Boomerang is not going to happen.

Why? Let's break it down, shall we?

1. Such an endeavor would be expensive.

As always in life, it's all about the Benjamins. The thing some people tend to forget is that Toonami wasn't a show, but a programming block. And most of the shows which aired on said block were licensed 3rd party acquisitions, meaning that Cartoon Network had to pay licensees fees for the rights to air the shows which aired on the block. The other thing that these same people tend to forget is that Turner has since let the broadcasting rights to most of Toonami's signature shows expire, so Boom can't have a Toonami that runs every show that used to air on Cartoon Network's Toonami, because CN has since lost the broadcasting rights to most of those shows. A Toonami on Boomerang would have to do without the following:

Sailor Moon=no.
Robotech=no.
ReBoot=no.
Ronin Warriors=no.
G-Force=no.
Gundam=no.
Tenchi Muyo!=no
Blue Submarine=no.
Outlaw Star=no.
Big O=no.
Cardcaptors=no.
Dragon Ball/Z=no.
Hamtaro=no.
Zoids=no.
.hack=no.
Evangelion=no.
Yu Yu Hakusho=no.
Jackie Chan Adventures=no.
Fantastic Four: WGH=no.

Cartoon Network does not currently have the broadcasting rights to air any of these shows, and they're not going to pay to re-acquire them for Boomerang. Why not? This brings us to point #2:

2. Boomerang is a far cry from what Toonami was.

Boomerang, in addition to aiming itself at an older audience demographic than Toonami's target audience, the channel has far less viewers than CN and it's also an ad-free, bonus tier package afterthought to Turner. Cartoon Network re-acquiring the licenses and reviving a dead brand name for a tiny extra tier channel with such a small viewership which is only in a handful of homes would be a waste of money, especially since The Powers That Be would need to know that they would receive the ratings to justify the higher cost to advertisers (which Boomerang doesn't have because it's ad-free), which would in turn fund the block.

It's a simple equation, folks: Viewers=Money=Acquisitions. And Boomerang just doesn't have enough viewers to sustain something like a Toonami style block.

3. Turner has no interest in establishing an action brand on Boomerang.

Ever since Turner dissolved Boom's original scheduling format in 2005 (yearly features on Saturday, "Boomeraction" all-day Sunday), Boomeraction has just been looping the same shows like Swat Kats and Thundarr over and over again. Turner wouldn't stand to gain anything by acquiring anything resembling Toonami on Boom, least of all a new action block. the last time Boom aired any new action cartoon was when they acquired Battle of the Planets in 2004; the ratings for BotP were terrible and the series was yanked off the schedule after just 5 months. Since then, Boom has basically shyed away from any exclusive action properties (save for Voltron, Justice League/Unlimited and The Batman, which were all leftovers from CN, Kids' WB! and [adult swim], respectively), and also currently Turner wants nothing to do with shonen, non-toy based anime outside of [as].

4. The Toonami brand name is kaput.

Look, I know this is a hard thing to come to terms with, but it's the truth. The Toonami branding is as dead as a kipper on a cracker. Networks very seldom, if ever, resurrect old brands and blocks; TV is a business, and in order for any business to succeed, they must keep moving forward, not constantly look back.

What would be the point of moving the Toonami brand to a digital tier only channel that almost no one gets? Answer: No point whatsoever. If Turner wanted to relaunch Toonami, it would make more sense for them to do it on Cartoon Network, not on Boomerang. CN is many more homes than Boom is and Boom is ad free and therefore is not interested in ratings. Furthermore, if Turner wanted to resurrect Toonami, they would do it. CN owns Toonami, lock, stock and barrel. There'd be nothing stopping them, but they don't want to resurrect Toonami. They have no reason to. CN could easily be airing Toonami wraparounds during it's current action cartoon block right now as I type, but they aren't, and it's very, very unlikely that they ever will, as networks seldom (if ever) re-launch program blocks once they've been put to an end, and I doubt that CN would go through the trouble of ending Toonami just to bring it back 2 years later.

Do we not remember how bad Toonami was in its' last years? It wouldn't be any any better on Boomerang. If Boomeraction were to rebrand itself as Toonami, there would be no new action cartoons or any action anime. Turner can only air the shows they own, and currently all they have available to them are the shows which currently run on Boomeraction now. Toonami on Boomerang would literally be nothing more than Boomeraction with a different name and different bumps. Do fans really miss Toonami so much that they'd even be willing to accept a fake Toonami?

I know that I'm probably going to catch a ton of flack for this entry, but people need to come to terms with things the way they are. I enjoyed Toonami in its' heyday just like most of you, but now that it's over, I can accept that it's gone.

I say your best bet is to cherish your memories of Toonami and hope for good things in the future, 'cause a Toonami Retro block on Boomerang just isn't going to happen.

What's Eating Johnny Test?

2010-07-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

In the fall of 2005, Kids' WB debuted a Canadian/American co-produced animated series titled Johnny Test. Described as little more than a gender swapped version of Dexter's Laboratory by it's anti-fans, Test is all about an 11-year-old boy who is a living test subject for the experiments of his teenage genius twin sisters, Susan & Mary. Along for the ride is Johnny's pet dog Dukey, who thanks to being experimented on by Mary & Susan, possesses human intelligence, the ability to speak and exceptional martial arts skills. Rounding things out at the Test's home are the kids' parents; their anal, uptight but still likable stay-at-home dad Hugh and their loving but busy business woman mom Lila.

When I saw the premiere of Johnny Test, my initial thought was "This is the stupidest show that I've ever seen!" and I ignored it for most of it's run on WB. Test didn't set the world on fire, but it did well enough in the ratings to secure another 3 seasons on Kids' WB. Shortly after Test's stint on WB ended, the reruns were acquired by Turner and began airing on Cartoon Network. Surprisingly, this acquisition scored big ratings points among viewers (some of which were seeing the series for the very 1st time), and is presently one of Toon biggest (and most overplayed) shows. I began watching some of the episodes that I missed when Test was airing on WB, and to my surprise, I didn't hate episodes as much as I did when Test was running on Saturday mornings on Kids WB. Some of the stories I actually found to be amusing. So, even though I no longer hate Johnny Test, why is Test still never listed among my favorite programs? I'll tell you why. This is why:

Yes, that's right. The main thing/element that I dislike about Johnny Test is the title character of Johnny Test himself. I like his sisters. I like Dukey the dog. I like the parents (in fact, I think that the idea of the parents having reversed roles--Mom works while Dad stays home as opposed to the opposite--is a funny and interesting idea). I even like some of the shows' recurring characters, most notably the pudgy, wanna be hip infinitely rich teenager Eugene,aka "Bling-Bling Boy", but I don't like Johnny. Sorry, but I just don't. Believe me, I have tired. I've watched several episodes and have really made a conscious effort to try to like Johnny, but I just can't. Johnny is weak link of his own series for a number of reasons:

-First, he's annoying and horribly generic. Everything about Johnny screams "Generic 'Kids rule!' preteen hero. He has all of the requisite pre-teen boy habits (playing video games, loafing, avoiding working hard, etc), and he has all of the cliched supporting characters in his life. Most notably, the neighborhood girl who treats the main character like the scum you scrape off of tomato soup, but who secretly has a crush on the boy (Sissy), as well as the resident school bully (Bumper) who exists for no other purpose than to torment Johnny, even though he has no reason to actually hate him. All of the worst elements of Johnny Test can be traced to either Johnny or the characters whom are directly associated with Johnny. it's hard to like a show when you find it's most important character annoying.

-Second, Johnny isn't very likable. i guess that we (the viewers) are supposed to see the character as being delightfully anarchic, a la the early Bart Simpson, but just comes off as irritating. In one short, Johnny uses his sisters' tech to bring fossilized dinosaurs to life on a filed trip to the museum, putting his entire class in serious danger for no other reason than he's bored. What a jerk!

-Third, Johnny has no talent. Mary, Susan and Dukey are much more interesting characters with much more interesting traits: Susan & Mary are super geniuses who can make virtually anything in their own impossibly high tech lab which is stored within their otherwise ordinary suburban home. Dukey is a dog who can talk, is smarter than most people and has mad martial arts skills, but Johnny brings absolutely nothing to the table. He's not particularly bright. His grades stink. He doesn't excel at anything. Johnny has no talent other than his uncanny ability to annoy people. Sure, he's got interesting hair, but in the long run, that's not much of an asset.

Why is it that on Dexter's Laboratory, the boy genius Dexter is the central character in the direct center of the series and his annoying non-genius older sister Dee-Dee is only a prominent supporting player, yet on Johnny Test, it is the non genius annoying sibling Johnny who is in front, while the much more interesting characters of the Test Twins are merely supporting players? It almost seems as though Test's producers were afraid that networks wouldn't be interested in buying a series starring a pair of girls, and so they instead put the über annoying Johnny in the center under the belief that "girls are icky!". Let's face it, folks, Susan & Mary are the real stars of the show. Test would be boring and horribly generic without them. Without Mary and Susan, there'd be no lab, no crazy inventions/experiments and no Dukey (at least not the intelligent talking version of Dukey). One only has to see the episode "The Quantum of Johnny" to see how badly the show would suck if the Test Twins weren't there. If the Test Twins were the stars of the show and the supporting cast were their supporting cast, then it could be a great show. I'd much rather see a series centering on Mary & Susan and their lives with no Johnny character present at all. I guess that network executives don't believe that people would prefer a series about a pair of smarty pants girls instead of a wanna be cool anarchic goof of a boy like Johnny. Well, believe it, suits!

A Brief Announcement

2010-06-14T09:34:00.000-07:00

Not to be a Buzz Killington, but I must announce that recent events have forced a slight change to how we operate things here at Astral City.

Since a couple of jackasses have chosen to treat this blog like their own personal locker room where they can post nonsense which has nothing to do with the topics being discussed here and hurl nasty insults at the blog members, not just once but repeatedly and habitually, I have had to disable the Comments function here.

From now on, only members of the blog community (i.e. myself, Jason and anyone else who has been formally invited to join) will be able to post comments. Outside readers no longer have this privilege.

To the parties responsible as well as anyone else who may be reading or lurking: if you have or take any issue with me, my brother, what we discuss here or how we run things here, do us all a favor and simply don't visit this blog. OFF-TOPIC, SPAM, INSULTING OR TROLLING COMMENTS ARE NOT APPRECIATED AND THEY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.

You want to scribble all over the walls or make like Statler and Waldorf? Keep it to yourself and take your act somewhere else, because we're not interested.

Thank you.

Adventure Time": Mathematical or Just Calculated Hype?

2010-05-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been to a really crazy, bitchin' party? Where the dance floor is hot and the drinks are cool? The wine is pouring like water and everyone is having the maddest, craziest most fun they could ever have?

...And you're the designated driver?

Well, that's how I feel whenever I'm online with friends discuss Cartoon Network's Adventure Time.

Oh, wait. Let me rephrase that. It's:

(cue majestic chord)

ADVENTURE-A-TI-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!!!!!!

Or so the show's fanbase will tell you. If you're reading this, then you have the internet, and if you have the internet, then you most likely know about this show, so I won't go into its' history and whatnot to any great length, but here's the overview:

Adventure Time is the brainchild of cartoonist Pendelton "Pen" Ward. It follows the exploits of 2 oddball characters: a boy named Finn and a talking dog named Jake as they traverse a mystical land called Ooo (Ooo? Seriously? All of the names for fantasy worlds to choose from--Krull, The Fantaverse, Looneyland--and Ward went with Ooo? Was he gazing into a bowl of Cheerios when creative lightning struck?) where they fight monsters, encounter giants, goblins, princesses, heavy metal vampires, maladjusted ice kings and all manner of assorted weirdos and beasties.

Sounds like a hoot, right? Well, it should be.

Adventure Time first manifested as a short on Nickelodeon's Random! Cartoons, a short-lived series which showcased potential pilots for new series. (Why Sparkles and Gloom, which also appeared on R!C wasn't made into a series I have no idea, but I digress.) Shortly thereafter, the short went viral and became an internet sensation. Then Cartoon Network picked up Adventure Time as a series, promoting the living hell out of it for about 4 months prior to its' debut. Toon's spin doctoring paid off: in short order, Adventure Time has become for many one of Cartoon Network's biggest hits and one of the favorite shows of the decade (even though it's only been on for about 2 months, has an episode count of less than 10 and we're only about 5 months and 6 days into the new decade).

So why am I one of the few people not having an orgasm for this show?

First, to clarify my stance on Adventure Time, let me say right off that:

"I am not a hater."

But I am, by my own admission, not easily impressed. I've never been one of those people who likes something "just because", nor am I known for jumping on the bandwagon for something immediately. That said, there are some things which I enjoy about Adventure Time and some which I decidedly do not as much. Let's break things down, shall we?

First of all, there's a simplicity to AT which both pleases and displeases me. The best comedians have always used restricted tools, like Charlie Chaplin, and AT is very simple at its' core: all Ward really did was take the time-honored archetypes of a boy and his dog, plonked them into a surreal Never-Never Land, infused Dog with the power of speech and the ability to alter the size and shape characteristics of his body and infused Boy with one of the most bizarre pieces of headgear ever drawn and the idee fixe that he's the hero of this world and must help anyone in need and slay anyone or anything that's evil.

*Incidentally, I originally thought that the land of Ooo (Ick. You know what, screw that name: I'm calling it Looneyland from now on) was another world, but according to Ward's blog, it's actually our world, centuries after a nuclear strike which has decimated much of Earth's population and many of Oo...no! Looneyland's inhabitants: its' elves, it's talking animals, its' Slime Princesses, et al, are in fact mutations. (Not unlike Ralph Baskhi's film Wizards). I question how necessary a move this was, especially since this apocalypse has occurred so long beforehand that none of Looneyland's citizenry remembers the disaster or the world which existed before theirs, but it is original, I'll give you that.

Another strong point to AT: the character of Jake the dog.

I like him. Voiced by comedian John "Bender/Dr. Drakken" Di Maggio, he adds saucy commentary to the stories, cuts up and is fiercely loyal to his buddy. Having the ability to grow to mammoth size and extend one's legs to giraffe-like proportions doesn't hurt either. In the debate between Funny "Ha-Ha" and Funny "Huh?" that constantly rages through this show, Jake falls firmly into Ha-Ha.

Next, the Land of---you know where--itself. I like this strange place. I've always been a fan of magical fantasy worlds, and so any setting teeming with wizards, princess, ogres, trolls and the like is OK with me. I also like how there's also modern day science and technology present; medieval fantasy has been done to death. Plus, I can't completely look down on a show that's given us a land called Candy Kingdom:

...and its' ruler, one Princess Bubblegum.

PB is another favorite character of mine. Who couldn't like a pink princess who's also a science geek and rules a land of living candy people and whose pet is part rainbow/part unicorn? The fact that PB is voiced by none other than Hynden "Starfire" Walch doesn't hurt either.

Now we come to the gripes. Here's one of my biggest ones: the fact that for all of the Hot Dog Princesses, laser-blasting flying cubes, dirty thieves and overly muscled barbarians which inhabit this world, the one character at the helm, the one which we have to see more of than anyone else is........

...this kid, Finn the Human.

Now before you pelt me with rotten fruit, let me explain myself. I don't hate Finn, or even dislike him. Not one bit. But you have to admit that it would've been cool to get a wisecracking apprentice wizard or a hot fairy or something as our protagonist instead of an ordinary human boy. I get that the show is more or less every 12-year-old boy's fantasy: he gets to run around, fighting monsters and what have you, vanquishing evil and nearly princess on the show has the hots for him. I get that. I do. But let's be honest here: how many adventure-loving, hyper, athletic, not book-smart but brave, courageous and fearless preteen boys have we seen as the stars of their own shows before? Start with about 30 and work your way up. Finn isn't a bad character, he's just nothing that I haven't already seen a dozen other times on a dozen other shows. I mean, Chowder and Flapjack, stars of their own respective self-titled Cartoon Network shows, are also young boys, but they at least bring something different to the table: Chowder, aside from being a purple cat/bear/rabbit thing, he's also a silly, food-loving apprentice chef who studies under a talented but narcissistic cooking master with an abrasive mushroom pixie for a wife and a surly rock monster for an employee at the catering company they all work in. Flapjack is an incurable optimist and the only nice, squeaky-clean thing in his ugly, dirty, creepy, scary sea harbor town who lives inside a maternal whale and who idolizes and worships a washed up old sea captain who's the biggest jerk/bum/liar/loser in town, but he's the only one too naive to see this. Those are at least different. Aside from that hat, what does Finn bring to the show that we haven't seen a ton of other boy heroes of his ilk bring? Sure, he's a tad spazzier than most other cartoon boys and prone to bizarre rages at the slightest provocation, but the basic problem I have with Finn is that he's surrounded by characters who are far more interesting than he is: Jake is more interesting than Finn. Princess Bubblegum is more interesting than Finn. Lady Rainicorn is more interesting than Finn. Marceline the Vampire Queen is more interesting than Finn. Lumpy Space Princess is more interesting than Finn. Heck, the character of Science Cat, who only appeared in 1 scene of one episode ("My 2 Favorite People") is more interesting than Finn.

With his nonstop ranting about heroism and fighting evil, he reminds me of another character: Amelia from the anime Slayers!

Like Finn, Amelia can be a tad annoying at times too. However, Amelia has 3 things going for her which put her over Finn for me:

Amelia knows magic, so she's capable of doing more than just making overblown speeches about justice and punching.
Amelia is adorable, which is what keeps her from becoming too annoying (the old "How can I stay mad at that face?" tactic).
Amelia isn't the star of Slayers!; she's just one of the series' regulars. The writers knew that if Amelia were front and center, she'd quickly become irritating, the more layered and complex character of Lina is the protagonist.

Now, just to straddle the fence a little, it's possible I'm being a tad harsh with this criticism. I know Finn has a lot of fans, and like I said, I don't dislike the character; I'd just like to see him do a little more than the whole "speech-run-jump-punch" bit. I fear that Finn's one-note personality may put a limit on the number of stories the writers can do without repeating themselves. So far, they typically go: Finn and Jake go to x-location, meet some locals, some sort of conflict erupts, Finn goes into his hero spiel, fights someone, odd random things happen, conflict is resolved.

-Plus, and I know I'm being a total guy here, but Finn ain't much to talk about as far as fan service goes. Hey, us older guys need incentive to tune in too.-

The other beef I have with AT is that it tends to go overboard with its' surrealism. I actually like shows with a touch of the surreal (one of my all-time favorite cartoons is 1989's Beetlejuice from Canada's Nelvana studios, which depicts a 'Neitherworld' which is a land-of-living-puns) But sometimes the show's humor can be a little too "out there". Even zany humor has to have a modicum of logic and be somewhat grounded. Even Beetlejuice's Neitherworld had some rules and structure to it. Adventure Time's Looneyland is basically anarchic.

To name just one nitpick: As much as I enjoy the Candy Kingdom and its' inhabitants (seriously, it's probably my favorite location on the show), Princess Bubbegum's genealogy is all over the road. If she's the absolute ruler of Candy Kingdom and her parents aren't around, then shouldn't she be Queen? And just where are PB's parents? It's understandable why Finn runs around without any parents or guardians since it's part of his shtick that his past is a mystery (for all we know, he could be a survivor of the big disaster which wiped out the previous civilization), but Bubblegum is a princess, she should have a tad more structure than that. And just how old is PB anyway? 14? 15? 16? That whole thing just gets glossed over.

Finally, while the show delivers some laughs, I have yet to experience any true belly laughs as I have on Chowder or Flapjack, or even Johnny Test. And one mo' thing: just what is all of the fanatical fandom for the character of Marceline the Vampire Queen? She's only made 1 appearance so far and people on the 'net have taken to her like geeks to a new Batman sequel. "Team Marceline"? WHAT?

I don't flat-out hate Adventure Time, but it's not giving me a lot of reasons to want to keep on watching it. The stories and characters on average just don't really interest me, and the show's humor (or what passes for humor) just doesn't do anything for me, either.

It's possible that I'm just venting a bit, or maybe I'm just confused because I'm not feeling the huge fandom that others are. But again, I'm not easily impressed. Maybe as time progresses, I'll grow as fond of Adventure Time as others are now. To sum up: I don't think Adventure Time is a bad show; on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it a solid 5. I just think less than 3 months on the air is far too early to be declaring a show the best anything. It needs time to find its' legs and we need to see if it can continue as strong as it has when it first exited the starting gate. Adventure Time is an OK, show, if a tad overhyped.

Not terrible by any means, just not the best show ever.

My Idea for Cartoon Network: Toons@Ten

2010-05-04T08:35:00.001-07:00

Hello, everyone. First, let me say sorry it's been so long since the last entry here. I've been busy with work, life and so forth. That said, on to the topic...

So last week, Cartoon Network announced it's upcoming series at it's Upfront, and among the things that were mentioned as being up-and-coming are 15 minute shows that will air at 9pm just before Adult Swim. Many fans have been complaining about AS starting earlier and earlier and taking away valuable time away from Cartoon Network. Now personally, I think that this move that Cartoon Network is planning is a step in the right direction. In fact, it's similar to an idea that I myself had for the network that would effectively bridge the gap between Cartoon Network and Adult Swim. I call it (drum roll).....Toons@Ten (or Toons@10, whichever spelling you prefer). Toons@Ten would basically be an hour of animated (I can't overstress that: the channel is called CARTOON Network for a reason, but I've done enough ranting about that on Toon Zone) programming that's bolder and more daring than the usual TV-Y and TV-Y7 rated kid vid stuff, but not as hard and edgy as the shows on Adult Swim, so no TV-MA rated programming like The Boondocks or Metalocalypse. Toons@10 would be sort of a Adult Swim-lite that would ease the transition from Toon to AS. There could also conceivably be some 15 minute original programs especially made for the block if the network were interested in producing them. Excluding any original programs, here are some of my choices for shows which could get a run on the Toons@Ten block:

Looney Tunes (uncensored)
The Tex Avery Show (uncensored)
King of the Hill
The Simpsons (I know that it's very unlikely that Toon will acquire this, but it fits the lineup, so let's just go with it)
Mission Hill
The Oblongs
Baby Blues (I don't really care about this show myself, but it is the type of show that could get a run on this lineup)
Megas XLR
The Critic
Daria (Again, I know that there will be a Chuck E. Cheese on Mars before this happens, so don't point that out to me)
Beavis & Butthead (see above)
Liquid Television (see above)
6Teen
Total Drama...
Stoked (since these shows do have a rating higher than TV-Y or TV-Y7).

There would be 2 half hours a night, with the programs alternating every few weeks/months. Originally, I was going to suggest Justice League/Unlimited, One Piece or Samurai Jack for this block, but I didn't want to turn Toons@Ten into an action block. And of course, this way, Adult Swim would begin at 11pm. But now, it looks as if Turner is itself trying to bridge the gap between Cartoon Network and Adult Swim, and I wish them the best. It sounds like a good idea to me, and I hope that Turner allows the idea to grow and evolve and not just drop the block like a hot brick and remove all traces of it's existence if it doesn't get monster sized ratings after about a month.

Hero: 108 - Mediocrity With an Eastern Flavor

2010-03-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in the Hidden Kingdom, humans and animals lived together in peace and harmony. All was utterly copacetic...until a game-loving but arrogant tool of a court jester named High Roller made the mistake of insulting the former Emperor of the Hidden Kingdom and was immediately banished from the great East Citadel. For a time, he wandered alone in the forest, his temperament worsening and his hatred for humans increasing by the minute. As fate would have it, he was struck by lightning, thereby gaining the ability to speak the language of animals.High Roller soon discovered the animals' great weakness for candy (Come on now, who can resist a good Reese's cup?) and bribed them with sweets, lying to them and convincing the animals that humans were their enemies. In short order, many animals joined his cause and helped kick humans out of their homes and castles. Now animal kings and queens must pay homage to High Roller, who is now the new Emperor of the East Citadel, and do his bidding. Many humans live in fear of his legions of thuggish animal soldiers. But there is hope, as a band of 108 heroes have banded together to form a rebel force. Led by Commander ApeTrully and with such colorful squad members as Lin Chung, a stoic and skilled sharpshooter possessing the legendary Panther Vision and the soul of an artist, Jumpy Ghostface (sounds like the worst rap name ever!), aka the Rabbit King, a rabbit warrior in whose hands a simple jumprope becomes a dangerous weapon, Mystique Sonia, a mystic-flavored warrior and total girly-girl, Mighty Ray, a loud, brash, simplistic and arrogant muscleman with the ability to fire beams of lightning from his eyes, and Mr. No Hands, the seemingly limbless military commander, this team of heroes live in a giant abandoned turtle shell called 'Big Green' and fight High Roller and his forces to protect the humans and restore peace to the Hidden Kingdom.

Does that sound like a kick-ass show? Well, prepare to be surprised.

Hero: 108 is a new animated series which airs on Cartoon Network. It arrived on Toon with absolutely zero promotion by the network (as opposed to Adventure Time, which has been receiving on-air promos as far back as January). I thought that this wasn't fair at first, but after watching Hero: 108 for 2 weeks, I can understand why Toon is being so close-mouthed about the show.

It's not as though Hero: 108 is an outright terrible show; it's really not outstandingly bad, the problem is that it's not outstandingly good, either. There are some decent elements to the series: I love the show's setting: it's lush and ripe with Eastern mysticism and mythology, and some of the characters have their own odd little quirks and back stories which could make for interesting material (for example, Mystique Sonia has a spell on her that causes any male who says "I love you" to her 3 times in a row to transform into a yaksha--that's the little pink cat-thingy on her head, BTW; Mighty Ray's lightning-like eye beams are fueled by bananas, a food he just happens to hate; Mr. No Hands, in fact, has hands, but he keeps them locked in constraints because he apparently can't control them--when his hands are free, he can't stop tickling himself uncontrollably--creepy!; and Big Green's leader ApeTrully, though he resembles a cardboard box man, is in fact in disguise--he's actually a monkey, specifically, he's the 33rd Monkey King--nevermind that monkeys technically aren't apes, but he opts to keep his true identity a secret since he doesn't think his followers would willingly follow a simian leader), but unfortunately the show rarely, if ever, takes advantage of these little quirks nor are they mined for any kind of real potential.

The show also suffers from a repetitive "wash, rinse, repeat" story structure: Typically, an episode goes like this: some fill-in-the-blank animal kingdom is persecuting or enslaving humans. ApeTrully arrives on the scene to mend fences (usually bringing gold in tow). ApeTrully's attempt at diplomacy is rebuffed and he gets captured. First Squad (our heroes) are called in and engage in some mild battles and by-play. Said animal king (or queen) challenges he squad to some sort of contest. Heroes face adversity and triumph. Fill-in-the-blank animal kingdom gains newfound respect for humans and joins the cause of Big Green. Wash, rinse, repeat. Occasionally, a curve ball will be thrown (the heroes fail to reform the Eagles in "Eagle Castle") but changes to the formula are few and far between.

Hero: 108 also gives people like me who live to categorize placement trouble: it's not funny enough to be a comedy, it's not hardcore enough to be an action show. What is it?

Hero: 108 is an ambitious idea, which unfortunately, is the epitome of average. It's just entertaining enough that one can sit through it for a half-hour and not complain (much), but it has the potential to be so much more. If the writing and execution were just a few notches higher, then this could be something noteworthy. Somewhere, buried amongst all that mediocrity, there's a brilliant series waiting to bust out.

A Salute to Marvel Super Heroes

2010-02-22T19:43:00.000-08:00

Here at Astral City, we sometimes like to pay tribute to things that we like, but don't be deceived by what your about to read here. I don't review video games. I'm not the Angry Video Game anything. There are already plenty of game reviewers out there, many of which are much better at that sort of thing than I could ever be. So no, this is not a game review. I'm merely taking this time to pay tribute to one of the most fun, and most underrated video games of all time: A little one-on-one fighter from Capcom known as Marvel Super Heroes.

Marvel Super Heroes made it's arcade debut in 1995 and was released for the Playstation and the Sega Saturn in 1997. I played the game in the arcade and was downright giddy when the Playstation version of the game came out. While most of the gaming world has fully embraced Capcom's later fighting titles such as Marvel VS Capcom and especially Marvel VS Capcom 2, MSH kind of got left behind in the dust afterward. Despite this, MSH remains one of my all time favorite games to this day. If you doubt me, just check out the awesomeness of the game's opening cinema:

Anyone who hasn't played this game yet, find a copy and play it now! You won't regret it. One piece of advice, though: When searching for MSH, do not under any circumstances, confuse it with this title:

This is not Marvel Super Heroes. This is Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems, a game for the Super Nintendo which is actually a retread of an earlier SNES title, X-Men Mutant Apocalypse, only with a slightly altered story and some different characters. Don't get me wrong, Mutant Apocalypse is actually pretty fun, but if you rent or buy this game under the belief that you're getting the arcade classic, you'll be in for a disappointment. That said, on to the real MSH:

Marvel Super Heroes features 10 selectable characters; 6 super heroes -- Spider Man, Captain America, Hulk, Iron Man, Wolverine and Psylocke-- and 4 villains -- Magneto, Juggernaut, Blackheart and Shuma Gorrath (the latter 2 I've never heard of before playing this game. Sorry, comic book fans!) In the Street Fighter tradition, there are also 2 bosses-- Dr. Doom is a mid boss and Thanos is the final boss. My only complaint about the lineup is why we got Cap and Iron Man but no Thor? And why only 1 female character? There are too many good woman characters in the Marvel universe for this game to only have 1. Each character has the requisite set of personalized special moves and super moves, here called "Infinity Moves", but MSH's standout feature is the inclusion of the Infinity Gems.

In the comics, the Infinity Gems grant their user near go-like abilities that allow you to rule the universe faster than you can say "God-like egomaniac!", but in the game, they just enhance your fighter's abilities in a unique way: The Space Gem causes your character temporary invulnerability. The Power Gem causes your attacks to deal out much more damage. The Soul Gem slowly replenishes your life bar. The Time Gem speeds up you character. The Reality Gem gives your character projectiles, and the Mind Gem fills up the Infinity Bar faster so you can bust out with a super move. Generally, an Infinity Gem is tossed into the fray after the 1st attack of the match. The Gem will land in the middle of ring, so your opponent has a chance to get it as well. Each gem grants it's user special powers (as if the likes of Juggernaut and Magneto need to be more powerful!), and certain gems grant particular abilities to specific characters. The Reality Gem causes Blackheart to turn invisible. The Power Gem gives Captain America shadow moves. The Soul Gem causes Iron Man's hits to strike with electric shock, etc. This was a very unique and innovative touch to the world of fighting games and so I'm truly surprised that this experiment was never repeated. Also, this is a minor nitpick, but I have to wonder why Capcom felt it necessary to change 2 of the Infinity Gem's colors for the game. The Time Gem is orange in the comics, but it's magenta in the game, while the Reality Gem is yellow in the comics, but it's orange in the game! Ultimately, this change doesn't make any real difference but still, it strikes me as curious why 2 of the gem's colors were changed, while the colors of the other 4 were left unchanged.

Anyway, Marvel Super Heroes was a superb title with fun game play and a surprising amount of re-play value despite it's lack of secrets and unlockable characters (Supposedly, there's a Game Genie code that allows to you play as Anita from the Darkstalkers games, but it never worked for me. Whenever I tried it, it would always freeze up after the VS screen).

It remains one of the great mysteries of the gaming universe why this game never got a sequel (and no, I don't count Marvel Super Heroes VS Street Fighter. The Capcom "VS" games were a separate series and are not connected to MSH, at least not to me. Also, I had some criticisms about MSH vs SF's lineup. Did we really need to have Captain America and Cyclops? The way that they played, they were practically 1 entity!). It would have been great to have gotten a Marvel Super Heroes 2, especially if the lineup had changed some and we could have gotten Thor, The Thing, Human Torch, Silver Surfer, Storm, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Firestar, Ms. Marvel or even She Hulk as playable characters. Nonetheless, Marvel Super Heroes was a great fighting title for it's time and it still holds up now, and for this, MSH, we at Astral City salute you.

SAL-UTE!

Why a 24 Hour Adult Swim Channel Will Not Happen

2010-02-21T07:44:00.000-08:00

I've been hearing a lot of requests and thoughts from fans on the message boards about a 24 hour Adult Swim channel. AS should become it's own channel. Why doesn't AS just become it's own channel?, etc. I've heard similar requests for a 24 hour 4KidsTV channel.

Listen, I don't want to sound like a jerk here, but I have to chuckle a little when people say "Why doesn't so-and-so program block just become it's own channel?", as if launching a 24 hour channel is as easy as buying airspace at the entertainment section of your local Walmart. Launching a 24 hour channel is a more costly and involved process than most fans believe it to be. There are a number of things working against Williams Street splitting from Cartoon Network and launching Adult Swim into it's own separate channel. Before I start, I'd like to clear up a little misconception that a few fans seem to believe in as gospel: Adult Swim is not a separate entity from Cartoon Network; AS is part of Toon. AS is a 4 hour program block that airs nightly on Cartoon Network which due to the fact that it's considered to be a separate entity for ratings and commercial purposes, has successfully fooled everyone into thinking that it's a separate channel, when it is in fact, merely a program block. Toon and AS are not "sister" networks, the way that TBS and TNT are. It's much more like Nickelodeon and Nick@Nite. Cartoon Network owns Adult Swim, lock stock and barrel.

That said, here are some reasons why an Adult Swim channel will likely never come to pass:

- Adult Swim doesn't have enough programming to run 24/7.
Many of the outside acquisitions that used to run on AS Williams Street no longer has the broadcasting rights to. You wouldn't want AS running 24/7, unless you wouldn't mind seeing reruns of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast running about 10 times a day, Robot Chicken running about 9 times a day and Aqua Teen Hunger Force running another 10 times in a day. What's that you say? "Then why doesn't WS just make a bunch of new shows?" Because that's easier said then done, that's why. New programming costs money, and who's going to give WS the mucho dinero they would need to produce a bunch of new programs? Turner? Don't think so. If Turner is too cheap to produce a general kids' entertainment channel to air it's crappy live action shows on, then they're sure as shootin' not going to finance a 24/7 AS channel.

- Adult only programming can only air during certain hours of the day
Adult Swim isn't HBO or Showtime, which are both pay stations. Programs like The Boondocks, for example, are rated TV-MA, which means that AS wouldn't be able to air them during the daytime hours. Imagine what would happen if a stay-at-home mom caught her toddler channel surfing during a commercial break of Blue's Clues and landing on an episode of The Boondocks or Squdbillies or Tim & Eric and you'll have some idea why this idea could simply not fly. WS would have to air kid-friendly programming during the daylight hours in order to appease the concerned parents at home, which would defeat the purpose of having an AS channel in the 1st place.

-Neither Williams Street nor Turner have any desire to make an AS channel
Representatives from WS have stated repeatedly that they don't want to break off and program an AS channel, and Turner doesn't want AS to separate from Toon because AS is currently getting higher ratings than anything else on Toon. To throw away a program block that's the highest rated thing on their channel right now would be more insane than wearing a suit made of aluminum foil, pour gravy on your head running around screaming "Look at me! I'm Baked Potato Man!". Meanwhile, Boomerang is continuing to languish on it's never ending hamster wheel and getting the red-headed stepchild treatment from Turner, with only the occasional shuffling of it's lineup in order to create the illusion that the channel isn't dead (My personal theory is that the programming on the Boomerang channel is being run on a single tape that's run repeatedly in a small room within the Cartoon Network studio and some guy looks in occasionally to check if the tape is still playing). Turner needs to make better use of the 2 animation channels that it has now before they even entertain the thought of making a 3rd cartoon channel.

However, it appears as if Cartoon Network is going to allow Adult Swim to begin airing at 9pm (EST) in the near future (whether or not this is a good thing remains to be seen. I have mixed emotions about this move myself, but that's for another time), so for the folks longing for an AS channel, this is probably the closest thing we're going to get to actually having one.

Quake - Portrait of an Enigma

2010-02-20T18:19:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: You must be at least 30 years old or a 60's TV buff to know what the heck is being discussed here.

Back in the 60's, the boob tube was crawling with cereal mascots. You know, those entertainingly annoying freaks who would try to persuade you to rot your teeth with their product and hock their cheap plastic toy surprise on you? Anyway, one such cereal mascot was Quisp, the alien prince from Planet Q.

Here he is. The little egomaniac.

For a time, this guy was one of THE most popular mascot of his time. But most people forget that Quips had a partner. A forgotten iconic legend from a time immemorial. A man known simply as....QUAKE.

For years, this studly superhero and his whacked-out alien rival would chase each other throughout the countryside, each one touting the superiority of his respective cereal. Kind of like Frankneberry and Count Chocula, except that these guys didn't scream and cower like pussy-assed losers when a squeaky door opened. Quisp would tease Quake and Quake would smash all around him hoping to get the jump on his elusive rival. All was well with the world, until one day when the kids at home complained that they were afraid that one day the huge and powerful Quake would one day catch the space-case and "stomp" him into cosmic dust.

Boo-freakin'-hoo. Cry me a river. Come on. Would that really have been a bad thing? Haven't you ever wanted to see the Coyote eat that feathered flake the Road Runner? Or see Tom squeeze that smug little bastard Jerry into gelatin? Anyway, the Powers That Be at Post relented, and so Quake went from this:

to this:

Gone were the bulging forearms. Gone went the sofa-like chest. Away went the hard hat. In its' place were an Australian bushman's hat, freckles on Quake's face and his earth-smashing clodhoppers were replaced with soft boots. Less intimidating for the kiddies? Sure. But sadly, this new look did irreversible damage to Quake's career as a superhero. Sadly, the Justice League subsequently rejected his application and stopped answering his calls.

Over time, Quisp's popularity would endure, while Quake was pushed further and further into obscurity. Eventually, Quaker terminated Quake's contract and replaced him with another mascot named Quangaroo; the less said about this wannabe, the better. The last anyone's ever heard from Quangaroo, he was living on a compound in New Mexico as a member of a UFO religion that wears aluminum foil on their heads and tries to achieve Nirvana by watching reruns of F Troop.

Where is Quake now? Well, rumor has it that he's still very much active in Hollywood. He's believed to have studied at the Comedy Store and to have changed his name to Conan O'Brien.

Hey, with plastic surgery and liposuction, anything's possible.

Generation 'Generator Rex'

2010-02-14T07:26:00.000-08:00

Last night, yours truly found himself watching Cartoon Network's 'Dudes Make It Happen' marathon in order to catch the new episode of Marvel's Super Hero Squad Show. (Hey, they keep making it, someone's got to watch it.) Anyway, the kids from Junior Jackass, er, um, I mean the Dudes from Dude, What Would Happen? leaked a sneak preview of one of Toon's (incidentally, Toon is our abbreviation for Cartoon Network. We don't call it CN because of all the negative press and hate from fans that the moniker CN receives. Toon is our way of reminding Cartoon Network of what put them on the map and what they should be about) latest animated offerings, Generator Rex, from the makers of Ben 10.

(Toon seems to be stuck in a queenie groove with their boy-centric action shows, but that's a rant for another time.)

Toon is being closed-mouthed about details concerning the show, but from what I did see, Generator Rex would seem to be about a teen who can transform any part of his body into machinery.

Wait, what? A teen who can turn into a machine? That sounds kind of familiar.....

Nah, nobody would actually try to do something like that again.......

....Would they??

Crimson Viper - What happened?

2010-02-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

The current video game buzz is all about Capcom's (latest) upgrade to it's popular game Street Fighter 4 (I still say that this game's title makes zero sense seeing as how SF4 does not take place after 3F3, but instead takes place in between SFs 2 and 3, but I digress...) titled Super Street Fighter 4, and it would seem that Capcom has a lot riding on 1 of it's new characters, Juri, being a breakthrough character. If you doubt me, just watch the SSF4 trailer. It's almost all about her.

Am I the only one getting kind of a Mary Sue vibe from Juri? I mean, she owned Chun Li in that trailer. I understand that Juri is a new character and that Capcom wants fans to like the character, but still...Anyways, Capcom seems to be hoping that Juri will become SSF4's newest "hot female" character. Capcom tried to do this with it's last game, plain ol' SF4, with the character of Crimson Viper, but somehow, C. Viper didn't seem to take off and click with fans the way that Capcom had hoped or intended to. I have a couple of theories as to exactly why fans didn't glom on to C. Viper the way that they did with Chun Li, Cammy and Sakura.

I think that much of the reason is because of C. Viper's clothes. The pant suit makes her look kind of "mannish", at least to me. I get that C. Viper is a special agent and that she's got several high-tech gadgets tucked away in various places inside that suit of hers, but I honestly think that C. Viper had worn a short skirt instead of pants she may have caught on better. I'm know that I'm being a total guy here, but let's face it; ours is a male dominated, shallow, lookist society, and female characters are judged largely by the way that they look and dress. Chun Li, Sakura and Cammy all wear outfits that reveal their legs. Cammy's outfit is basically a swimsuit with a red beret and boots, and it's common knowledge that a teenage girl in a school uniform is teh hotness. I know that logically, it doesn't make a lot of sense for Sakura to still be in high school if this game is supposed to take place years after Street Fighter Alpha, but trying to imagine Sakura not wearing the Japanese schoolgirl's uniform would be like trying to picture Charlie Brown not wearing his signature yellow shirt with the jagged horizontal stripe, or Shaggy from Scooby Doo not wearing his signature green T-shirt, or Inspector Gadget not wearing his trenchcoat and fedora hat. The outfit is part of who she is, and I think that if C. Viper had shown a little more skin, male fans would have glommed on to her a bit more and sooner.

My younger brother is not a fan of C. Viper, feeling that the character gives off something of a "B" vibe, and others may have this opinion of the character as well. However, there are a couple of things that I kind of like about C. Viper. I was never a huge fan of the whole secret agent shtick (even as a kid, I've always thought that super heroes were cooler), but I am fan of characters who utilize high tech as part of their usual attacks. Also, call me weird, but I like how Viper is a mother with a young daughter. I gives her a trace of being human. Since neither Viper nor her daughter have mentioned a father, I'm guessing that Dad is somehow out of the picture, but I think that it would have been kind of funny if C. Viper were this tough-as-nails special agent/troubleshooter when she's on the job, but at home, she's Donna Reed.

Anyway, I wish Capcom the best of luck with it's new game and also I wish them success with their "hot" new character Juri, whom I'm sure will catch on and attract a loyal fanbase, until the next Street Fighter upgrade, that is.

Hey, baby! You know you can't touch this!

Bitch!

About Us

2010-02-13T14:38:00.000-08:00

Hi. Damon here. You may know me better as Silverstar.

My twin brother Jason and I have been participating on various message boards throughout the years. While it's been fun sometimes, the road has occasionally been a little rocky; we sometimes cause a little controversy with our views and opinions, and we've each had various run-ins with moderators and other posters.

Which brings us here. This is Astral City, our own blog. After running amok on the boards for so long, we figured that a blog might be a little better suited for our purposes; can't get suspended or banned from your own blog, after all.

We're still moving in here; the place is kind of au natural right now, but bear with us. In the days, weeks and months to come, there will be reviews, rants, critiques, words of wisdom, points to ponder and crazy opinions. Who knows? Maybe we can even have a little fun.

Stay tuned.

Welcome to Astral City!

2010-02-13T14:15:00.000-08:00

Hello. This is Jason, known by many on the internet message boards as Blackstar. This blog was created by myself and by my twin brother Damon, aka Silverstar. This is the first ever post for our blog. First, let me give you a brief overview as to what exactly this blog is all about.

Basically, Astral City will be our little outlet; a place were we will be posting about animation, pop culture and other stuff. There may also be the occasional review. This is a place in which we can talk about whatever we want and will be able to say whatever we want without the fear of infractions by oversensitive moderators, but don't worry. This isn't just another one of those "rant-about-stuff-that-we-don't-like" blogs. No, this is just a place where we can hang out and let our minds and opinions roam free, not unlike the wild caribou.

More to come...